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Al read our story about the sisters who'd been arrested for fighting, and wrote with a related query:

My daughter has again been 'assaulted' by her half-brother. He's been grabbing her by the throat, getting right in her face, causing
serious trauma. He is 11 and she is 7 and half his size. Her mum puts this down to sibling rivalry and insists it is six of one versus half a dozen of the other.

I know the boy's parents both have aggressive tendencies and I am now in a position of trying to do something about it without traumatising
both the children, creating a serious rift with her mother (my ex-partner), yet getting the point across that there is a line and it is being crossed. I'd love to hear any thoughts on how to proceed.

Here's life coach Joanne's reply:


Dear Al

The Brady Bunch have a lot to answer for, don't they? A blended family is rarely a simple situation, and issues may continue to surface long after you think the changes have been dealt with.

One beacon of hope in this is that you sound like a sensitive enough person to know that steaming in without thinking will probably only cause more problems than it solves. As much as you can, aim to put aside your feelings about your ex-partner. The children are what matter here, and one thing you do have in common is that you both want what's best for them.

Would it be possible for you all to sit down and have a family meeting to discuss this, with everyone involved allowed to have their say? At the moment you are in danger getting into a game of "He said..she said" with everyone having their own, different points of view. Consider bringing in an outside mediator such as a family counsellor if you find that you can't make this happen alone. Speak to your daughter's school or your doctor for some local recommendations.

Continue to keep a safe space for your daughter, but watch out for her playing one parent off over another. Your ex is doing the day to day parenting, and may well get very defensive if you start pointing out problems. She may also be afraid that you may take your daughter away. Is this something you're considering?

Whatever is really going on, the fact remains that your daughter is unhappy. And from the sounds of it, her half brother is angry and unhappy too. Try to have compassion for him - he may be older, but eleven is really still just a little boy. And a family full of unhappy children needs help, soon, from whatever source.

Best wishes and good luck

Joanne

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