Ask Joanne: My anxiety is affecting my family

What's your question or dilemma about life as a parent? Send it in to our life coach Joanne Mallon at this address. Say if you'd like your name changed.

Jane writes:

I have suffered post-natal depression for many years after each of my three children were born. I also had suffered from pre-natal depression and had difficult pregnancy and birth problems. My mobility is limited due to back damage from spd and an epidural I had with my first child.

I am now suffering with anxiety disorder and get panic attacks. I do so want to take my children out and be back to normal but am constantly afraid to get in the car and go and when I do I'm constantly on edge worrying that something may happen.

I'm always fearful of our health and find I'm always nervous. I haven't always been this way but since having children I have been more aware of danger. I had a difficult childhood and had a hard time during my teens but I have fought this anxiety for so long I'm exhausted.

My GP does nothing to help and I have asked for help and for the past two years I have been trying to help myself. Have you any idea how I can get help or how to manage panic and anxiety so I can go out and be normal again?

Here's life coach Joanne's reply:

Dear Jane

Thank you very much for writing in. I won't pretend that we can solve your situation here, but I want to give you a few pointers and resources that may help.

As I'm sure you realise, you won't get well alone, and I'm not surprised you're exhausted trying. Just as you'd never expect a broken leg to heal itself, a wounded mind is much the same. I'm sorry to hear that your GP isn't helping, but do see if there's another approach to be made there. Is there another doctor in the practice you could see? Could you move to another practice? What about your Health Visitor? This link is to the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy's search page. Even if you're not ready to see someone yet, it might be worth having a quick search to see what counselling is available in your area.

Always remember that you are your children's greatest role model. Think about your relationship with your own mum - whether it's great or awful, I bet she looms large in your life. There is no escaping this, so you owe it to them as much as yourself to reach out and get the help you need.

Some other resources you can access today:

Get hold of Lucy Jolin's book on Post-Natal Depression Lucy has also written some useful tips for us which you can read here.
The discussion site for parents Mumsnet has a forum here where mums discuss mental health and related issues like anxiety and depression. Go there to get some support today from people who are, or have been, in the same place you are now.
On the subject of driving anxiety, this is actually a much more common fear than you might expect - and here's my story of overcoming my fear of driving. It actually took me 7 years to overcome this fear, but I think if I'd had professional help I could have done it much sooner. There are some great tips here that will help you with this specific issue.
Another book which I think is great for understanding why we worry, and how to stop it, is Embracing Uncertainty by Susan Jeffers.
Think about when you're feeling well, what do you like to do? What gives you pleasure or helps you relax? What did you used to enjoy that you maybe haven't done for a while? If you woke up tomorrow without anxiety, what would you do? Make a list and a plan to do at least one of these in the next week.
Exercise is a great way to cope with anxiety as it takes the focus away from the mind and into the body. Anything physical and repetitive will have much the same benefit, such as kneading bread or stripping wallpaper. So do something physical today.
Another way to give your mind a break is by writing stuff down in a private journal. If the route of all this is in unresolved stuff from your past, let it escape by writing it down. Writing letters is a good way to focus this - write to yourself, to your children, to anyone who's caused you pain. Just don't send the letters as that could cause more problems than it solves! You can set up a private diary over on www.diary.com if you don't want to use a paper journal.