Ask Joanne: I want a baby at 40
Categories: Babies, Pregnancy & birth, Ask Joanne
What's your dilemma about any aspect of life as a parent? Our experienced life coach Joanne Mallon is here to answer your questions. Send your questions in here and say if you'd like your name to be changed.
CC writes:
I gave birth to a stillborn baby boy last October. Post mortem results came back that there was no medical problem with the baby, and my blood tests came back with no problems.
We decided straight away really that we wanted to try for another baby. I already have three children aged from 19 to 11. Without a baby I don't feel I can get over the loss. I have just turned 40 and my husband is 42. It's been three months but nothing has happened as yet. Do you think I should go to see my doctor as we can't try for ever as age is not on our side?
Here's the life coach's reply:
Dear CC
I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your son. What support are you getting in dealing with this? I understand that you are pinning a lot on your plans for a new baby, but this is such a huge loss that it may take longer than you expect to come to terms with. The thing I have found about grief is that just when we think we are getting over the worst, feelings that we didn't know we had will resurface.
So be kind to yourself, and give yourself time to grieve. The charity SANDS is a great source of help – even if you just wanted to read an article or join in an online discussion. People who've experienced what you have will be your greatest source of help right now.
As for having a baby at your age, yes your fertility will be lower than it was when you had your older children, so it may take longer to get pregnant. And three months is not all that long for a woman of any age – women over 35 on average take at least six months to get pregnant and often much longer.
But you're by no means too old – plenty of women are only having their first child at 40. I do think it would be a good idea for both you and your husband to go and see your GP and discuss your plans. Smoking, diet and alcohol can also affect fertility, so your doctor may have some suggestions for you. You may find the Mothers Over 40 website to be a useful resource too.
Best wishes to you and your family,
Joanne
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Ann 3-23-2010 @ 4:05AM
Should women have a baby at 40?. Yes of course. I gave birth at
39 6mths. My son is wonderful and kind and giving.
How could I have denied this talented human being his place in this world. If one is healthy and secure then yes.....yes
My son is now aged 33 years. .
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Sarah 3-23-2010 @ 5:59AM
You should think yourself lucky that you have 3 other healthy children. My only child was stillborn when I was 40 and I cannot have any more!
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Mandy 3-23-2010 @ 6:29AM
Sarah, I am sorry for your loss, but i feel your comment was rather unfair. I am sure the woman does feel extremely lucky that she has 3 other healthy children, but that doesn't stop her grieving for the baby she has recently lost, nor should it stop her from wanting to try for another child.
Karine 3-23-2010 @ 1:28PM
I had my fourth baby at 44...although he was premature and had to be in an incubator for almost two weeks because he had low blood sugar and a low birth weight...he survived due to the wonderful care he received and is now 19 years old. He is lovely, careing and very very loving. I love him to bits. All the best.x
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Marie 5-06-2010 @ 3:33PM
I am 40 years old, 41 next month and I had my second try of IUI, have periods regularly and ovulate. With the first treatment I got pregnant but had a miscarriage at 5 weeks, the second try has not worked out and did not get pregnant. I feel as I am not going to have the chance of having any children, but is because I am upset. I am going to have a 3rd go, and try to keep positive.
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