In the exit stairwell of fame
Categories: Real life stories
OK, I have to admit it. My husband, Professor Brian Cox, has become a bit well-known these past couple months. I don't remember the exact moment when I realised he was famous. It may have been the gushing article in the Daily Mail or when we were out for a walk and a paparazzi jumped out and snapped us (I'm not exactly sure where it ended up, but we were told it was Heat Magazine). I don't have a lot of experience being the wife of a famous man, but I'm a fast learner and am getting a pretty good idea of what it involves.On the plus side - and this isn't to be sniffed at - he has earned enough money this year so I don't have to rush back to work after having a baby. For this, I am very, very thankful. We've been together 9 years and it's only this year really that Brian has earned enough to make it possible for me to take time out of work. We have always lived in separate houses (I work in London, he works in Manchester), so more than most couples we need two incomes.
That isn't to say that I don't want to go back to work. I do, very much so. I love my work and miss the intellectual stimulation, the thrill of doing something new, the satisfaction of achievement, the time to think, the coffee breaks, the lunch hours, the talking to adults, the not being covered in drool, mashed-up food or poo for a large part of the day, the unbitten nipples. But I suspect it will be a while yet before I can get back to the all-encompassing work I used to do. In the meantime, I have to make do with the thrill of occasionally writing a Tweet that gets re-Tweeted a few times.
Choosing to have a baby when we did has turned out to be much more difficult than we were expecting. Our baby boy was born smack dab in the middle of Brian's filming of "Wonders of the Solar System". This meant that he was away from the end of my second trimester of pregnancy, during which I sold my house and moved on my own, he had a month off during which I gave birth, then he was mainly away again until our son was 6 months old. Yes, while he was off filming in some of the most remarkable, beautiful and stunning locations around the world, I was heavily pregnant, looking after my 13 year old son, then adding a newborn to the mix and throughout was running the house on my own.
This brings me to the decidedly unglamorous side to being married to a successful man: real life still needs to be lived.
Since his programme has aired and his notoriety has grown, the "clash" of fame and real life is becoming more difficult to juggle. On the one hand there are the invites to dinners and premieres and generally cool things famous people do (very few of which I end up doing myself, I might add). On the other hand, there are the situations that are less "exciting" such as the giggling middle-aged women asking for his autograph in Sainsbury's while I'm there trying to work out which jumbo-sized sanitary pad will best contain my heavy period overnight.
Then there is the weirdness of seeing things written about you. Admittedly, most things about Brian have been very positive and most things about me have been more or less benign. I have, however, received the odd "unkind" email and seen some bitchy things about me on messageboards. The few nasty things are not so easy to brush off when I'm trying to come to terms with being a totally awesome woman masquerading as a reluctant housewife who spends 90% of her time on her own, is still breastfeeding and is desperately trying to work out what the hell this new post-baby body shape is all about. Let's just say that I'm not at the most confident place in my life right now so those kinds of things sting more than they normally would. If, however, I stand up for myself then I get even more bitchiness back. Apparently, "the wife" is just supposed to take it. This is the part of being married to a famous person that I'm not quite on top of yet.
I've never been the kind of woman that needs to spend an hour getting ready before nipping out to buy a pint of milk. To be blunt: I'm a scruffy bugger. Normally, I don't wear make-up, I'm usually in jeans and, well at the moment anyway, a breastfeeding T-Shirt, my hair tied back in a messy ponytail. These days when I go out with my husband for a walk or a coffee, everyone stares at us. Suddenly, I've started to feel very self-conscious. It won't be long before "they" start talking about what a frump my husband is married to. So now along with looking after both the kids, doing all the shopping, cooking, laundry, etc, I've got to put on freakin' make-up and wear something vaguely "nice" to go out of the house with him. If only to avoid having to read something about how I look "twice as old" as my husband... again.
The other night we attended a screening of one of his programmes to a sold-out audience filled with adoring young women. After the screening, there was a Q & A. I'd seen the programme many times so all I wanted to see was the Q & A. Our son luckily fell asleep in my arms just before the screening, so slept peacefully during it. The moment it ended, however, he woke up. As my husband sat down on stage, our son shouted out... So I left the auditorium and spent the next hour sitting with my son in the exit stairwell. And all I could think of was what a perfect analogy it was...
When I first met my husband he was wearing "studenty" t-shirts, spent hours playing Risk with friends and still had a single bed. He was and is, in my eyes, a massive nerd. And yet suddenly there are throngs of women, and men for that matter, who fancy him, are "in love" with him or even want to marry him cos I convinced him to wear more stylish clothes. I doubt they'd last long when they realise that he really is a bus-spotter at heart. But that is exactly why I love him.
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Julia Ball 4-14-2010 @ 12:12PM
Hi Gia.
I loved your article, if anyone ever needs a poke as to what it is like on the "other" side of the camera, then this is it.
Hubby has made a fantastic contribution to "bigging up" science in this country, but you have, single handedly, looked after children, grown and given birth to children, sold a house and moved and you have done it all without a production company, lights, a runner and a continuity person to make it look all seemless. I am sure that he has told you this already, if he hasn't, kick him HARD, that you are fantastic and he is a lucky bloke to have you, please carry on with your articles though.
I can totally see where you are coming from, says she who is dealing with the diagnosis of a chronic illness, a 6 year old boy, 4 cats (one of whom likes to pee all over the house!) and a bloke who travels alot on business, and thinks that all the washing, cleaning, ironing and general running around are dealt with by little fairies that come at night when we are all asleep.
Take Care
Julia X
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Sim 4-14-2010 @ 2:06PM
I am one of those band-wagon-jumping followers of yours, I must admit. I saw you on Electric Dreams and I liked you. I liked your style, your knowledge and enthusiasm. I just got Twitter when I found out that you're married to Brian and one of the things I noticed and like most about you is your seeming ability to hold it all together. You're successful in your own right but still are proud of Brian's achievements.
As for being criticised, I hope you can take comfort in the fact that you know a load more about the media by which the criticism's delivered! It's not nice feeling so rubbish post-baby. I feel pretty worthless actually, I don't even have a job to go back to anymore. If I were criticised about, well, anything really, in public I'd be quite devastated. But you have a lot of supporters and the fact that criticism is often poorly disguised jealousy (of you and your achievements) I hope should be some consolation.
You gave me advice as a mother, not as the wife of someone on TV or even as someone who's been on TV yourself, and that's why I like you. You're not above helping people out, whoever you are and whoever your husband is. Just sorry you have a rough time because of it.
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rhani allen 4-14-2010 @ 1:06PM
Just read this and have to say I found it very moving.
I took 5 years out of academia to raise two children and fighting my way back in now feels like hacking out of a rather over grown jungle with a blunt machete. Whilst I took this time off my partner's career went from strength to strength. So I can empathise with the whole woman with mental faculties pretending to be a house wife frustation.
What I can't imagine is having to deal with this very tricky period whilst my husband is thrust into the limelight and libido of millions of avid viewers. Your husband is of course very hot and I'm sure that you have played a large part in getting him out of the geeky t-shirts and into something a little more media friendly. But I think he would still be hot even then.
The best you can do is recognise that you obviously have very good taste in men and know how to back a winner. This post baby period whilst lovely is also very draining and it is easy to lose yourself for a bit. Do not start wearing full make up and your best gear to pop to the shops, there lies madness (see victoria beckham for further evidence).
Ignore the bad, take the good and recognise both as fleeting states.
Best of luck and if I ever run into you in Sainsburys I promise to steer well clear : )
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Poppy 4-14-2010 @ 11:47AM
I think from what I have seen of your programmes you are a very intelligent and beautiful woman. You look the type who gets away with being a slob as you are naturally pretty. I was at the Q & A in Edinburgh and thought it must sometimes get quite hard for you so I hope it eases up, saw you with your baby - he is adorable! Looking forward to your Electric Dreams tonight - long may you and your husband continue to make these great programmes as I was beginning to resent paying my TV licence.
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Karen 4-14-2010 @ 11:43AM
I really enjoyed Electric Dreams, thought it was excellent! I can't see why anyone would say anything negative about you.
On a personal note, I'm 4 months pregnant with my first child. I had a panic when I first found out about it, couldn't see how I'd cope with studying, working, socialising and a baby. But you seem to manage to keep everything together, you have become a bit of a role-model for me! (That probably sounds a bit silly, but you know what I mean).
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DaniBalkanska 4-14-2010 @ 11:42AM
That's always the case when you want to do everything right in your life! That includes family, kids, work on a first place. I do understand every single bit of what you've said and I can assure you: You are not alone in this constant war! Don't give up and always stay positive (from the little I can gather about you) you are very bright and lovely person - things like that make you very special! Lots of love to you and your lovely family!
Dani
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CJ 4-14-2010 @ 12:29PM
Good article and I don't believe for a minute that you're a frump or look anything but great without makeup.
Your husband's a cool guy but it sounds like he's got an awesome wife to support him and be supported by him, you sound as though you're great together.
Oh, and Ladies, nerds are sexy, I should know, I am one ;-)
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Susan Cole 4-14-2010 @ 12:09PM
I wasn't at the Filmhouse Q & A the other night, but I did hear about it from a (male) acquaintance and it did sound like some of the questions were a bit toe-curling to say the least.
My husband, daughter and I did see you and your family on Sunday evening and, yes, my husband did ask Brian to autograph his book for him. Our daughter (14) was, I think, slightly mortified by her father's behaviour but, teenage embarrassment aside, it really gladdens my heart as the mother of a daughter with 'geeky' inclinations to know that she has in you a strong female role model proving that independent, sexy women 'do' science and technology too.
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Rebecca 4-14-2010 @ 2:07PM
i think your husband is smashing. we absolutely loved 'wonders' in this house (and the youtube spoof, which my 16 year old son quotes more than the actual programme, although he does that too). i just wanted to say i have had a girl crush on you for YEARS, and you're obviously much cooler than brian, who - while not unlike a lovely enthusiastic labrador puppy - utterly REEKS of geek. (yeah yeah, in a good way.)
chin up, girl. you're amazing and i hope you know it.
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Martin 4-14-2010 @ 2:38PM
You're also allowing many other massive nerds like myself to realise that not only will we inherit the Earth (according to that fiction book thingy, you know Bibel or summat), but we'll inherit it in style with classy babes arm in arm with us. Breast feeding t-shirts are optional.
So too are Cox's butt plugs....actually no scrub that, they're banned.
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ruth 4-14-2010 @ 8:31PM
You are married to who I can only assume is a wonderful as well as successful man.You are a successful beautiful woman. You have 2 wonderful children. From my perspective you are a very very very lucky woman. It is probably just a period of adjustment...Oh and i would just ignore the people who bad mouth you.. then they will go away..
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faintdreams 4-15-2010 @ 8:50AM
Dear Gia,
Thank you for writing this article.
I'd also like to compliment you on your good taste for your Hubby is a foxy brain. I think it's sad that his rising public profile means you have to put up with the superficial heat magazine editorials that exist.
Feeling sidelined in a relationship must be horrible, but from your writing it seems like you are addressing it well. If it's any consolation it happens to couples where each is a 'celebrity' in thier own right. The Author Neil Gaiman recently blogged about how disorientating it was to go to the Oscars with his musician/artist Girlfriend Amanda palmer and be constantly referred to as 'unknown escort'.
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Alex 4-15-2010 @ 8:49AM
Some people just can't cope with a successful, opinionated woman, no matter who she's married to. You know the industry and the nutters it sadly spawns; you also know the Internet and the cowardice that anonymity breeds there. Sure, it's going to suck but when you count your blessings you'll find a pretty impressive list. Good for you. :)
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suze 4-15-2010 @ 3:18PM
Gia,
Couldn't let this go without comment as your husband is the one thing we have in common, oh yeah and writing for Parentdish of course. All my initial thoughts have already been superbly put into print by the excellent and well deserved comments you have already received.
I've known Brian for almost 30 years now and whilst I've always held him in the highest regard and had the utmost respect for his intellect I know him simply as Brian the cat doting, star gazing, bus spotting, Wizard of Oz loving geeky dude who is as comfortable talking to millions as he is talking to my dad in his front room whilst drinking all his whiskey!
He is also a bloke who has found himself a true soulmate and perfect partner in you. Any jealous, bored, pathetic, insipid specimens who derive some kind of deranged pleasure from their attempts to be derogatory to you should not be given a moment of your thoughts or time.
You two have merged and are now a indomitable team.
More power to your elbow and balls to the green eyed idiots.
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Elise Dixon 4-17-2010 @ 3:32AM
Hello Gia,
I was at the Edinburgh "Wonders" Q&A too... I am not a scientist but one of those who are awed and interested by the big place I find myself in! Your husband IS lovely, but he's not as lovely as mine :) Mine loves lorries and motorbikes and ridiculous remote controlled things, and doesn't care two hoots about particle physics, but he does wonder why I do!!!
Brian is fab, but the least reason for that is his looks- he is clearly a super-brain, but also someone you can easily understand, and who can communicate enthusiasm as well as knowledge.
I saw you and your lovely wee boy, and when you were out he made sure to mention both of you. I'm a primary teacher and I noticed he gave all the kids in the audience who wanted, the chance to ask a question- respectable!
I have two kids as well and I know where you're coming from with the realities of day to day life- my hubby works long hours, and I work part-time now that our youngest is 6- the rest of my life is running our home and taxi-ing to various things... alll good and worthwhile but tiring (sometimes) and where are you in all of it?!
Talking of student t-shirts, I went along to the event with my (idiot) sister, and she thinks Brian should have a tshirt saying ! " I Went to the Large Hadron Collider and It Was Bangin'!" Sorry. Elise :)
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Jess Bundy 4-24-2010 @ 6:24PM
Hi Gia,
What a great article - thank you.
You are an inspiration and don't every forget that. My son (9) and I sat and watch Electric Dreams the other day (the 70's one). I have just explained to him who you are and he (and I) are now one of your mega fans.
You and Brian are the most amazing couple and you have a lovely family. I am soo glad to know now that there is one beautiful, strong and successful woman holding everything together.
I can totally understand where you are coming from though the sore nipples, no make up, scruffy hair and clothes, missing out, and having to do the essential everyday things every Mum has to do. You are who you are and I'm sure Brian loves you just the way you are!
Who gives a monkies what the media says about you, it's all a very bitter twisted games for them. As Paulo Coelho said on his facebook page today,"Haters are confused admirers who can't understand why everybody loves you!"
Anyway I am off now to watch the next Electric Dreams Episode and will be following you both on Twitter.
Best Wishes Jess and Sam :)
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Jo 6-16-2010 @ 4:46PM
Hi Gia,
The 'funny' thing about this is that I was saying to my husband the other day when Brian was presenting an award at the BAFTAs "I wonder how his wife is dealing with his new found fame, it must be hard for her dealing with all the 'fans'" and here you are saying how it makes you feel and I'm compelled to want to make you feel better... Isn't jealousy an ugly thing? It never ceases to amaze me how, in the face of dealing with our own insecurities, some people will go out of their way to make other people feel bad about themselves and I'm gobsmacked that some of these people have taken the time to email you to tell you these things! Sure, Brian presents as an attractive and interesting man but you also in your own right present as a beautifully natural, talented and intelligent women who is also a mother and a wife, we should be congratulating you not trying to pull you down. I spent the last few years working in Manchester city centre with lots of gorgeous, well groomed women running around in 5 inch heels and yes...I felt inadequate but then I decided, you know what... I'm Jo, I'm a scruffy bugger who lives in jeans, my make up is a bit random and I rarely look groomed, so deal with that Manchester or... stick it where the sun doesn't shine and I hope you will be able to find the same mantra and think 'blow what other people think, my husband loves me, my children love me and are healthy, so stick that Heat/Closer/Now magazine! Jo x
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Cherie 6-25-2010 @ 7:22PM
Hi Gia,
I have just read your article and your words resonated and moved me. I'm a mum, with 3 teenage children and in my early 40's. The emotional swings of nurturing babies have passed but the pressure to be supermum, superwife, high achiever is firmly fixed in my life.
It sounds like you are doing a terrific job, and although there are sacrifices being made you have a lovely and very normal family.
Don't stop being you and changing yourself to fit into what you feel is expected of you as the wife of a successful man. Be an example of a strong assertive woman who is not prepared to buckle under the media frenzy of image consciousness. Be yourself and be beautiful.
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