What's your biggest challenge when it comes to family life? Send your questions and dilemmas to experienced life coach Joanne Mallon via this confidential form. Your name can be changed on request.


A worried parent writes:

I am the parent of three-and-a-half-year-old son. This is the third year he is going to nursery and sometimes he just does not want to go there. He says "My teacher wanted me to eat and I didn't want to do that; now I don't want to go
there unless you Mummy come with me".

He has two teachers and gets on quite well with one of them. Today in the morning I visited the teacher who is being a bit tough with him and asked her not to make my son eat when he does not want to. My son sometimes complains about his friends and today the other kids seemed to me a bit happier and bigger in size. Please, any advice is welcomed.

Here's the life coach's reply:



Dear Worried Parent

So what do you think the real issue is here? Is he reluctant to eat at home, or is this a symptom of general unhappiness at nursery? If he refuses to eat, how would you like the nursery to deal with this? I agree that it's not good for a child to be forced, so do talk to his teacher some more and get her version of what's really going on here.

A big benefit of children eating together at nursery is the social aspect, and the fact that it prepares them for school lunchtimes. So although your son may not want to eat at the same time as other children, he will benefit from having some time sitting together with his classmates.

You mention that the other children seem bigger than your son -- is he one of the youngest in his group? Might he be more comfortable with a younger group of children?

I think you may find it helpful to make an appointment with the nursery to talk about how your son is managing generally, and how the staff feel he is coping from day to day. No one wants their child to be unhappy when they're not together, so find out how he is doing the rest of the time as well as mealtimes. If your instinct tells you that this is not the right setting for your son, then it may be time to look around for other childcare options.

If he's having difficulty with his friendships, then think about what you can do to encourage this. Perhaps invite a friend round for tea, or go for a play in the park after nursery.

best wishes and good luck

Joanne


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