Ask Joanne: My daughter won't poo in the potty

What's your dilemma about any aspect of life as a parent? Our experienced life coach Joanne Mallon is here to answer your questions. Send your questions in here and say if you'd like your name to be changed.

G asks:

I have girl of two-and-a-half years who is trained to go to the toilet or use the potty on her
own, but won't sit to do number two, not on a toilet or potty!

When she has the need to go and do a number two, she asks for pull-up pants and refuses to go any different way. I tried to encourage her but no results. Any tips as my other kids were okay (20 years,19 and 14).

Here's the life coach's reply:

Dear G

Believe it or not, this is actually very common. It's one of those subjects like nits or piles that many parents have to deal with, but very few discuss. So rest assured that this is a normal phase which many children experience, and not related to anything you have or haven't done. And like all phases it will pass, so be patient.

Two-and-a-half is still pretty young to be fully potty trained, so it could be that your daughter is not quite ready for this yet. She clearly recognises the physical sensation and knows when number two is coming, but although she may seem to be physically ready, emotionally she still wants to hold on to the pull-up pants and doesn't want to let them go just yet.

Here are a few options for ways to approach this:

• Do nothing Let her have the pull-up pants and trust that she will move out of them when she's ready. If she's still using them in six month's time, reassess.
• Use a sticker chart to encourage her to use the loo more Stickers are a very effective motivational tool for little girls of this age. My daughter used to put a sticker on her potty every time she used it. My son needed a bit more of an incentive, so he got to choose a toy when he'd managed to keep the Number 2's in the loo for a week. Use which ever motivational tool you think your child will respond to.
• Stop buying pull-up pants Going cold turkey is a more drastic approach which may result in a few tears and some mess, but if you don't have them in the house then they can't be used.
• Use your older children as role models Talk to your daughter about what it was like when your older children were potty training. Get her to tell you how she feels about it, especially the bits she doesn't like and feels anxious about. Try not to pressurise her and focus on using the loo as an achievement to be proud of.