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Lovemelovemyshoes writes:

My mother-in-law is awful. I have two children from my first marriage and so does my husband. She doesn't consider my children to be part of my husband's family.

They treat my husband's biological children like they are babies. They are 24 and 21
but she insists on giving them pocket money. Little does she know but she is only
buying the children's affections as they have said on many occasions. My husband
has stopped having contact with his family, even his children, as they are so
jealous that he has another family.

I believe that step-grandchildren are an added bonus to a family. My children have been nothing but polite and well mannered to them. Their own grandchildren are rude and really use them for money.

The way I look at it now is that they are in their early 70's and I have hopefully a lot more years to enjoy and love their son than they do. The only person that has built a wall between them is them. The only thing that we have done wrong is treat his children well to the point of being used too. I'm just so pleased that my husband has stood by me, but sad too that he no longer has a relationship with them. However, I know in my heart that it was their doing not mine.

I have asked my hubby to keep a relationship going with them but he is totally embarrassed and upset with what they have done and said. Should I try again or leave it up to him?

Here's the life coach's reply:


Dear Lovemelovemyshoes

It's a shame that your in-laws don't accept your children as part of the family, but that is their right. You believe that step-grandchildren are a bonus to a family, but not everyone agrees with this. Presumably your children already have biological grandparents? Perhaps your in-laws don't want to step on anyone's toes. If they wanted to take more of a role in your children's lives then that would be great, but I don't think you can assume this.

There are lots of different issues and relationships going on here, yet you seem to be heaping the blame solely on your mother-in-law. The fact that your adult stepchildren accept money yet also complain about it reflects very badly on them. And why has your husband stopped contact with his children? Surely this should be the priority relationship to mend.

I think given that all of this revolves around your husband's family, then it's up to him to take the lead when deciding what to do next.

Try to focus your energy on the future rather than the past. You'll only end up bitter if you spend too much time dwelling on what's gone wrong in the past and the times when they have annoyed you. At the end of the day you still have a loving relationship and a husband who supports you, so save your energy for this.

Good luck and best wishes

Joanne





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