What's your dilemma about any aspect of life as a parent? Our experienced life coach Joanne Mallon is here to answer your questions. Send your questions in here and say if you'd like your name to be changed.

Tina writes:

I have been married for about 18 months and have still not become pregnant. I don't use any contraception as I have always wanted a baby since the time I got married. My husband and I make love 3/4 times a week or sometimes 1/2 times a week. My husband is fit and fine, though I do have health problems like depression and back pain.

I do not get regular periods, sometimes for two months, three months or even four months. Please help as I'm very depressed as to why I am not becoming pregnant. I am 26 years old, coming up for 27. Most of my cousins and people I know now have 2/3 kids.

Is there anything I can do when making love with my husband, for example, is there a certain way in which I should make love for my husbands sperm to reach the egg inside me? How long should I remain lying after making love, to make sure the sperm does not flow out? Also I was told by my nurse that I am fertile even though I am not getting my periods but I still do not understand why I always get negative results when I do my pregnancy test. Please help!

Here's the life coach's reply:


Dear Tina

The thing that really comes across in your message is how stressed you are about not getting pregnant. And stress does have an effect on fertility – so much so that many people find that as soon as they stop thinking about getting pregnant, that's when it happens (particularly on holiday).

So as much as possible focus on your own mental health and how you can de-stress and relax more. Have you talked to your doctor about your depression? Are you getting any help with that?

As well as stress, alcohol, smoking, caffeine and being over or underweight can all affect fertility too. Look at your over all health and aim to improve it where you can.

You say that all is fine with your husband, but since you have not become pregnant, it may still be worth him visiting his own doctor for a check up just to establish that there are no problems that haven't been detected yet.

After you have made love, do stay lying down (some experts recommend for around five minutes). Are you tracking when you ovulate? There are lots of ways to do this, from iPhone apps to gadgets to online ovulation calculators like this. Your most fertile time is around five days before this, and fertility experts recommend that you make love at least every 48 hours during your fertile period.

Do go back to your doctor for more detailed investigations. But once you lower your stress levels, you might find that nature starts working in your favour.

Good luck,

Joanne




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