Ask Joanne: My Teen's behaving badly
Filed under: Behaviour & development, Ask Joanne, Teen Advice
What's your dilemma about any aspect of life as a parent? Our experienced life coach Joanne Mallon is here to answer your questions. Send your questions in here and say if you'd like your name to be changed.
A reader signing themselves Frayed Around The Edges writes:
I have a 14-year-old son who has recently completed his metamorphosis into a teenager. His attitude has declined at school and he is being rude and
disrespectful to his teachers. Not all of the time and not swearing or anything
like that but making wisecracks and interrupting the lesson.
He's not the only one I know, but how do you get through to your child when he starts to misbehave?
He also taunts his 10-year-old brother, which he thinks is extremely funny but it affects my younger son and upsets him. Fever pitch was reached last week when I told him off for his constant display of attitude and he announced he'd like to move in with his father and his new wife! The thanks you get for the blood and toil! Would appreciate any tips or even books you could recommend.
Here's the life coach's reply:
Dear Frayed
As I'm sure you know, this is all pretty standard teenage stuff – if anything, I would be more concerned about a teenager who didn't act up in some way. It may also be that some of your son's feelings about his parents living separately are adding fuel to the fire.
So don't take it personally and try to stay calm as much as you can. Your little boy is still in there, he's just testing the boundaries around him as he grows into a man. Keep firm in your boundaries and he will feel more secure.
Staying with his father a little more may not be such a bad thing – it would give your son closer contact with his primary male role model and give you a bit of breathing space as well. Talk to his teachers about his behaviour and how they're dealing with it. He won't be the first stroppy teenage boy they've had to handle, so they should be able to give you some fresh perspective.
In terms of books, these are the ones I would really recommend:
- How to Talk so Teens will Listen and Listen so Teens will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish is a great book, which will give you practical strategies for better family communication
- Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph is an easy to read parenting classic which guides you through from babyhood to adulthood
- Teenagers! by Rob Parsons is a recently published book, which I know many parents are finding useful
Best wishes and good luck,
Joanne
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