I have recently found myself as a single parent of one child because my husband "doesn't know what he wants anymore". I find that I cannot even bear to look at him, even though two weeks ago I was blissfully in love with him. He has destroyed me & as you say the waiting for "your" time with your child is totally, utterly unbearable & it so does become a competition to see who has the most fun time. Yet we mum's are generally always the bad guys cos we lay down the rules, bed times, admonishing cheek that suddenly starts to come from their tiny mouths as a result of the situation they are thrust into. It is also heatbreakimg for me to know that, like you the things we so recently shared together - Sunday mornings in bed, reading the paper & cuddling together will never happen again. That kills me also. The irony of it all is we went to a a wedding reception together & slow danced round the dance floor together, kissing & cuddling on the saturday night & he walked out on me 5 eveings later - totally out of the blue. I have no idea what will happen now. I know thousands of couples go through this every day but you truly, honeslty never expect you will be one of them do you? I am so sad, lonely & angry all at the same time & will never forgive him for making me feel this way about myself. Never ever will I understand his thoughts or reasons for leaving as he has just told me he will always love me & doesn't want anyone else in his life. Life is very cruel at times.

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Myself, I feel more sorry for the thousands of fathers who can't get to see their kids because the mother obstructs his access to them, often using the kids as a weapon, and the corrupt family law system does nothing to help him or his children in this situation.

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I've been a single mum for 8 years and it does make life very tough and hard at times when the focus is on so called 'normal families'. We are right to feel sorry for parents (mums or dads) who do not get access or contact with their children, but even more so we should feel sorry for the thousands of children who are used as pawns in adult games. Parents should be grown up enough to not use children as an emotional weapon, unfortunately we seem to live in times where too many people put themselves first and do not see the damage that their selfish immatuity will have on their own flesh and blood. This will surely impact on their childrens children in years to come. The system should be changed so that babies and children cannot be used in such a way.
All I can say to others in the same situation as me is: do what's right so that now and in years to come you can hold your head up and say 'I did what was right for my children' and feel proud that you gave them as much as you possibly could to provide them with the love, nurturing and support that you possibly could and did not deny contact with the other parent. (and not forgetting that you cannot live your own life 100% through your children, dont forget we DO have needs too)

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I am about to join the ranks of single parents out there and as hard as I know it must be (I grew up in a single parent family and know how difficult it is for both the adults and the kids), I almost wish that I could have the same complaints and problems as most single parents. My other half has informed me that they never want to see our child again once we leave., No visits no phone calls no contact at all. How do you explain that to a 2yr old at bedtime? I have no idea why this is happening I would never deny access or make it difficult for them to spend time together but I have been told to forget it. How could anyone willingly do that to their own child? I am so angry right now but I have to hide that anger for the sake of my child. I know it must be really stressful for all concerned (I remember the snippy remarks when my parents were in the same room and the tension after a visit) and in the long run it will probably be for the best but right now I would love to have to share my child.

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Being a single disabled father to two fatastic boys aged 9 and 10 the weekend always seems to concentrate my feelings of being alone. Their mother is off living some sort of unsatisfying single life in search of a fairytale existence, rarely contacting the boys and I seem to be denied any form of personal life. Yes I love my children unconditionally, yes the single parent slog provides a much rewarding life but....just occassionally I'd like to socialise with the grown ups. The selfish manner in which some seem to live their lives constantly disappoints, those little percieved ripples they make in their own lives often create major waves in the lives of those unable to understand or comprehend the implications of their actions.

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My ex-wife and I separated and subsequently divorced almost 11 years ago. Our children were aged 4 and almost 2 at the time. We both agreed that things would remain amicable between us, for the sake of the children. That was, as I've said almost 11 years ago, and to this day the arrangement still stands. We live no more than 6-700 yards apart, and I have had unlimited access to my children, something which I have taken full advantage of over the years. As a result of this mature and civilised approach from both parties, my children are growing up to be happy, well rounded and intelligent, with my eldest determined to pursue a career as an officer in the RAF, and my youngest wishing to become a police officer.

My heart goes out to Kerry, and her child. It strikes me that her ex wants to return to a life of 'singledom' rather than face up to his RESPONSIBILITIES as a parent. All that you can do Kerry is to keep the proverbial door open, and hope that one day he sees sense and takes up his responsibilities. In the unlikely event that he is reading this, it is possible to be a father to your child, and have a social life too. However in the meantime it sounds to me very much like your child has a caring, loving Mother, who will do her very best to bring up her child. I hope you have some family to support you, as I'm sure that would help enormously.

I work with several male colleagues and have former male colleagues, who, for a variety of reasons, have ended up with sole custody of their children. I take my hat off to them, and to the countless thousands of women who find themselves the sole carers for their children as this must be INCREDIBLY hard work.

To all the single parents, part time Mums and Dads, I say one thing; "Never, never, never give up." It IS hard work, but it WILL prove to be the right decision.

Regards,

Paul.

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Don't you think that a lot of the 'drama' is self-created and that we have a choice to play a role in a 'sucking feeding' kind of relationship with it OR NOT? Just how much time and energy can you free up by letting go of the 'drama'. Nobody outside of you is in control of how you feel. There is also nothing outside of oneself to blame for being the victim. Let go and LIVE. It's a simple choice. Take personal responsibility for what reality you create for yourself and stop blaming other people for your 'negative' experiences and circumstances, that too is a choice.

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