What's your biggest challenge when it comes to family life? Send your questions and dilemmas to our experienced life coach Joanne Mallon at this link. Your name can be changed on request


Alex writes:

My son is 19 months old and has had an acute change in temperament recently. Screaming, throwing things, not settling for naps or bedtime when normally he sleeps very well.

I am not sure what the reason for the change is or how to deal with it either,
I get down to his level and say 'Mummy says no throwing/hitting etc' and
he just throws another tantrum!! He has me completely stumped.

I am also worried as I am due to have another baby in 8 weeks! I thought the difficulties would begin then not now! I have another son who is 11 so it is a long time since I dealt with little people's tantrums, please could you give me some tips.

Here's the life coach's reply:



Dear Alex

Just because they're called the Terrible Twos doesn't mean they can't happen before or after that age. Tantrums at this age are usually related to frustration - your child can understand much more than he can say and do, and that's a pretty frustrating place to be for anybody. So this is why children of this age can lash out physically - they lack the skills to express themselves verbally.

Other causes of tantrums are tiredness and hunger. Think about what triggers his behaviour and how you can head that off before it starts.

Tantrums are a normal part of children's development, so this behaviour doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with your son or how you parent him. Like all phases, it will pass, usually when langauge skills increase.

As far as resisting naps goes, he may genuinely be growing out of his daytime nap, or not need it every day. If you think this might be the case, dropping the daytime nap would mean that he should then fall asleep more easily at night.

The best way to think of a tantrum is like a show or performance. But there is no show without an audience. Sometimes the most effective way to deal with tantrums is to ignore them - literally leave the room and pay attention to something else. This will also have the effect of distracting him as he'll wonder what you're up to. Distraction is one of the best behaviour management techniques for this age group.

Make a point of giving him positive attention at other times. Never give in to a tantrun because you are sending the message that they work.

Here's some more tips that will help:

How to get your child to listen when you say no
How to deal with a child who hits

Good luck with your pregnancy
best wishes

Joanne


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