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I name this baby...Superman. And another one...Gazza.
Oh, and let's call this little mite...Gandalf.
And why not throw in Arsenal for good measure!
All the above are British children's real first names – and they have all been given official blessing by our liberal authorities.
In Britain, all names, however ridiculous, are up for grabs.
Hence celebrities can bestow their children with the likes of Apple, Harper Seven, Zowie and Fifi Trixibelle.
The General Register Office says there are no restrictions on parents - except for exceptional cases, such as a name which could be deemed offensive, when an official could refuse to register it.
But such unusual names could blight a child's future, according to Professor Helen Petrie, from the University of York, who has studied the psychological effects of having an unusual name.
"I found that people with unusual names had a really hard time, particularly when they were children," she said.
They described getting teased and how traumatic it could be - because all children want to fit in. But when they became adults, they are often glad that they have something to help them stand out from the crowd.
"People with very common names sometimes feel that they aren't unique enough. So I think there's a happy medium to be struck."
So isn't it time we took a leaf out of baby naming books from other countries and make such monikers illegal?
Here are some of the worst offenders that have been officially BANNED in their own countries, but that any Tombola, Dickdastardly or Haribo could call their babies in Britain.
• Lucifer, V8, Christ and Messiah are among the baby names rejected by New Zealand's department of internal affairs. Disappointed parents wishing to christen their offspring with numbers (89), letters (J, I, T) and punctuation marks (*) were also given short shrift.
• Fish and Chips (twins), Yeah Detroit, Keenan Got Lucy and Sex Fruit also got the kybosh, though the New Zealand judges did allow Number 16 Bus Shelter and Violence.
• But the top of the NZ banned list must surely be Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii.
• In Sweden, there is a law preventing parents from naming their children Metallica and Elvis. But in a parental fightback, a couple attempted to name their child Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116. Yes, it's spelled correctly. We've double-checked! And apparently, it's pronounced "Albin", though we're not sure how.
• In Italy, judges prevented a couple calling their kid Venerdi aka Friday. They reckoned the name - taken from Robinson Crusoe - would expose the boy to "mockery".
• Over in Norway, a woman was thrown in jail for two days for giving her child the unapproved name Gesher aka Bridge.
• On the other side of the world, the Malaysian government banned the name Chow Tow. It sounds harmless enough, until you realise the translation is Smelly Head!
• But in China, a family wanted to keep their baby's name short and sweet, by simply calling it @. Perfect for Twitter, we'd have thought.
• In Germany, the names Stompie, Woodstock and Grammophon have been turned down, whereas the similarly strange Speedy, Lafayette and Jazz were allowed.
• In New Zealand, a whopping 77 names have been banned. They include Lucifer, Mafia No Fear, 4Real, 2nd, 3rd or 5th and '.' (or full stop!). • But surely top of the pile (excuse the pun) of banned baby names is this from Denmark: Anus. Apparently, the judges thought the baby's parents were trying to make an a**e of their offpring!
For more advice on what not to call your baby, head to our Baby Names section on Parentdish.
Take a look at some of the most extraordinary names chosen by celebs - and their reasons!
Unusual celebrity baby names
- Hero Harper Quinn<p> <strong>Parents: Myleene Klass and Graham Quinn</strong></p> <p> <strong>Why?</strong> Rumour has it Myleene and Graham named their second daughter after the character in Shakespeare's <em>Much Ado About Nothing</em>.</p> <p> There is also a 'Hero' in Greek mythology though her story is a tragic one.</p>

- Buddy Bear Maurice Oliver<p> <strong>Parents: Jamie and Jools Oliver</strong></p> <p> <strong>Why?</strong> On introducing Buddy Bear to the world, Jools Oliver explained that the name Maurice is in memory of her father while she "just liked the named Buddy" which she thought was "sweet".</p> <p> He joins the couple's three daughters Poppy Honey, Daisy Boo and Petal Blossom Rainbow.</p>

- Sparrow James Midnight Madden<p> <strong>Parents: Nicole Richie and Joel Madden</strong></p> <p> <strong>Why?</strong> Proud dad Joel Madden explained: "My worry raising a son in Hollywood is, what will he have to struggle for? I wanted to give him a name that he's going to have to stand up for."</p> <p> Whether he'll thank them for that remains to be seen.</p>

- Suri Cruise<p> <strong>Parents: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes</strong></p> <p> <strong>Why?</strong> Katie explained that Suri means "princess" in Hebrew and "red rose" in Persian. Though it is unusual, it could have been a whole lot worse.</p>

- Bronx Mowgli Wentz<p> <strong>Parents: Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz</strong></p> <p> <strong>Why?</strong> Fall Out Boy rocker Pete explained: "The Jungle Book was something that me and Ashlee bonded over. It's a cool name. We came up with the idea Bronx." Bronx is one thing guys, but Mowgli may be taking it one step too far!</p>

- Princess Tiaamii<p> <strong>Parents: Katie Price and Peter Andre</strong></p> <p> <strong>Why?</strong> According to Pete, Katie always "loved the name Princess" while Tiaamii is a combination of both their mum's names, Thea and Amy.</p> <p> Katie added: "We've put an accent over the first 'a' to make it a bit more exotic and two i's at the end just to make it look a bit different."</p>

- Brooklyn Beckham<p> <strong>Parents: David and Victoria Beckham</strong></p> <p> <strong>Why?</strong> Victoria reportedly liked the name Brooke but decided upon Brooklyn as she was in New York when she found out she was pregnant.</p> <p> She later admitted: "We did get a certain amount of stick about that. I like Brooklyn as a name - it's quite different - but you couldn't do it all the time. It wouldn't work if you were somewhere like Moscow."</p> <p> The couple's two younger sons are called Romeo and Cruz... the world waits with baited breath to see what they name their baby girl.</p>

- Apple Blythe Alison Martin<p> <strong>Parents: Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin</strong></p> <p> <strong>Why?</strong> Gwyneth explained her decision to name her daughter after a fruit, saying: "It sounded so sweet and it conjured such a lovely picture for me - you know, apples are so sweet and they're wholesome and it's biblical."</p> <p> The couple later named their son Moses. </p>

- Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf Lee<p> <strong>Parents: Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf</strong></p> <p> <strong>Why?</strong> The <em>My Name is Earl</em> star says he was inspired by a Grandaddy song featuring the lyric: "He's Simple, He's Dumb, He's the PIlot."</p> <p> There doesn't seem to be any explanation as to the Inspektor part but Jason insists his little one is unfazed by his name.<br /> <br /> "He loves it. He goes to a little hippy school where all the children have interesting names. He has a friend named Zoot."</p>

- Gaia Romilly Wise<p> <strong>Parents: Emma Thompson and Greg Wise</strong></p> <p> <strong>Why?</strong> The word Gaia is of Greek origin and simply means 'earth', while in Australia Romilly means "one who roams, walks".</p> <p> It's fairly apt considering Emma Thompson is keen to take the 10-year-old on a globe-trotting gap year.</p>

- Kal-el Cage<p> <strong>Parents: Nicholas Cage and Alice Kim Cage</strong></p> <p> <strong>Why?</strong> Kal-el is the Kryptonite name of none other than fictional hero Superman and it is Nicholas Cage's obsession with DC comics that led to his son's unusual name.</p> <p> Perhaps Clark (as in Kent) might have been kinder!</p>

- Kyd Miller Duchovny<p> <strong>Parents: David Duchovny and Tea Leoni</strong></p> <p> <strong>Why?</strong> It's possible they thought it was either funny or a little bit clever being able to shout "Hey, Kyd!" to their little one.</p> <p> Since he reportedly prefers to go by Miller, we're guessing he thinks it's neither.</p>

- Satchel Lewis Lee<p> <strong>Parents: Spike Lee and Tonya Lewis</strong></p> <p> <strong>Why?</strong> Blaxploitation movie director Spike Lee was delighted when his wife chose the name Satchel, after baseball star Satchel Paige. "She came up with the name on her own. She's not the baseball fan, I am."</p> <p> We'd understand if the baby was a boy... she wasn't and Brits will forever associate her with a school bag.</p>

- Betty Kitten Ross<p> <strong>Parents: Jonathan Ross and Jane Goldman</strong></p> <p> <strong>Why?</strong> Young Betty is reportedly named after risque 1950s pin-up Bettie Page - as if that wasn't bad enough, the youngster had Kitten inexplicably tagged on.</p> <p> Her sister is named Honey Kinney... we're not sure which we'd prefer.</p>

- Sage Moonblood Stallone<p> <strong>Parents: Sly Stallone and Sasha Czack</strong></p> <p> <strong>Why?</strong> Sage, either from the 'healing' herb or meaning 'wise', is fair enough (even if it is more commonly a girl's name). Moonblood on the other hand...</p> <p> Still, Sage has kept his full name so it clearly doesn't bother him.</p>

- Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily Hutchence<p> <strong>Parents: Paula Yates and Michael Hutchence</strong></p> <p> <strong>Why?</strong> "Hiraani" was said to be Michael Hutchence's favourite Polynesian word and means "Princess of the beautiful sky".</p> <p> We can only assume the rest was down to Paula whose other children (with Bob Geldof) are named Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches and Pixie.</p>

- Moon Unit Zappa<p> <strong>Parents: Frank Zappa and Adelaide Gail Sloatman</strong></p> <p> <strong>Why?</strong> Who knows? Frank Zappa's childrens' names are world-renowned for their weirdness - Dweezil, Ahmet and Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen (yes, really) followed.</p> <p> However, the couple's eldest daughter still goes by the name Moon (Unit is her middle name) and is an actress, musician and author.</p>

- Moxie Crimefighter Jillette<p> <strong>Parents: Penn and Emily Jillette</strong></p> <p> <strong>Why?</strong> Comedy magician Penn explained: "We chose her middle name because when she's pulled over for speeding she can say, 'But officer, we're on the same side. My middle name is CrimeFighter."</p> <p> Meanwhile the name Moxie means 'spirited' or 'energy'. We hope she's got the energy to keep explaining her middle name.</p>

- Prince Michael II (Blanket)<p> <strong>Parents: Michael Jackson</strong></p> <p> <strong>Why?</strong> Whether the late King of Pop named his two boys Prince Michael in order to satisfy his own ego (daughter Paris' middle name is also Michael) is unknown.</p> <p> Unfortunately for the second Prince Michael, he became better known as Blanket, as his father felt the name reflected protection, comfort and support.</p>

- Jermajesty Jackson<p> <strong>Parents: Jermaine Jackson and Halima Rashid</strong></p> <p> <strong>Why?</strong> Jermaine has an astonishing eight children by three different women.</p> <p> He already had Jermaine Jr, Autumn, Dawn, Jeremy, Jaimy Maldonado, Jourdynn Michael and Jaffar, but Jermaine saved the best (or worst) for last, naming his youngest boy Jermajesty.</p> <p> And you thought Michael was the odd one.</p>

- Harper Seven Beckham<p> <strong>Parents: </strong>Victoria and David Beckham</p> <p> <strong>Why? </strong>After welcoming her longed-for <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2011/07/10/victoria-beckham-gives-birth-to-baby-daughter/" target="_blank">baby girl,</a> we couldn't wait to learn what Posh and David had chosen for a <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2011/07/11/victoria-beckham-names-baby-daughter-harper-seven/" target="_blank">name. </a></p> <p> Sources reckon the couple chose Harper as it's an old English name that Victoria loved, and Seven as it's a lucky number and the new arrival was born just after 7am in the seventh month of the year.</p>

- Koa Egan<p> <strong>Parents: Kian Egan and Jodi Albert</strong></p> <p> <strong>Why? </strong>Kian revealed the couple came across the unusual name in a baby names book and fell in love with it. It's a traditional Hawaiian name, meaning brave or warrior, and could have been choosen for Kian's love for surfing. </p>

- Bear Blu Jarecki<p> <strong>Parents: Clueless star Alicia Silverstone and Christopher Jarecki</strong></p> <p> <strong>Why?</strong> Who knows! Alicia hasn't spoken about her slightly kooky name choice for her <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2011/05/10/alicia-silverstone-welcomes-a-son-and-joins-the-bizarre-baby-n/" target="_blank">first baby.</a> Although very unusual, it kind of actually works, don't you think?</p>

- Moroccan and Monroe<p> <strong>Parents: Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon</strong></p> <p> <strong>Why? </strong>Mariah kept her fans guessing for a few days after giving birth to her twins, but when she actually announced the names <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2011/05/04/mariah-careys-twins-names-revealed/" target="_blank">Moroccan and Monroe</a> we were left scratching our heads. We're guessing she was a fan of Marilyn, and she apparently has a suite on the top floor of her New York apartment named the Moroccan rooms, and she is particularly fond of Moroccan inspired decor.. </p>

- Astala<p> <strong>Parents:</strong> Peaches Geldof and Thomas Cohen</p> <p> <strong>Why? </strong>With a name like Peaches, Bob's daughter was always going to go for something slightly kooky. And she certainly did with <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2012/04/21/peaches-geldof-has-given-birth-to-son/" target="_blank">Astala! </a>Or, Astala Vista Baby as one of our <a href="http://www.facebook.com/parentdishuk" target="_blank">Facebook fans pointed out!</a></p>

- Maxwell Drew<p> <strong>Parents:</strong> Jessica Simpson and Eric Johnson</p> <p> <strong>Why?</strong> Maxwell is Eric's middle name and Drew is actually Jess' mum Tina's maiden name. Neither names are particularly girlie, considering Jess said she was <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2012/03/07/pregnant-jessica-simpson-does-a-demi-and-poses-nude-expecting-a-girl/" target="_blank">desperate for a girlie girl before giving birth! </a></p>

- Tennessee James<p> <strong>Parents: </strong>Reese Witherspoon and Jim Toth</p> <p> <strong>Why? </strong>Reese spent many years in Nashville, so we think the actress is going back to her roots by celebrating her homeland. Either that or she's a massive fan of Tennessee Williams... </p>

- Ray Holiday<p> <strong>Parents: </strong>Sophie Ellis-Bextor and Richard Jones</p> <p> <strong>Why? </strong>For their <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2012/04/26/sophie-ellis-bextor-gives-birth-to-third-baby-ray-holiday/" target="_blank">third baby, and third son</a>, Sophie and Richard chose a suitably kooky name to go with older sons, Sonny and Kit. The chose Ray (presumably Raymond) Holiday for their new arrival. While Ray Holiday has quite a ring to it, we're not too sure on Raymond - bit much for a baby? What do you think?</p>

- Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence<p> <strong>Parents: </strong>Uma Thurman and Arpad Busson </p> <p> <strong>Why? </strong>The couple kept their baby's name a secret for months, but it was finally revealed by Uma's rep, who told People magazine:<strong> </strong>"I would like to announce Uma and Arki's daughter's name for the first time officially: Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence Thurman-Busson, better known to family and friends as Luna. Each name has a special reason and meaning to her mother and father."</p> <p> Right.</p>





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