Children at some American schools are to be taught
that the Loch Ness monster is real!
The crazy plans have been put in place by privately-run Christian schools in Louisiana to disprove Darwin's Theory of Evolution.
Pupils at the schools will start using text books next year which claim the Scottish beast is a real living creature.
The Accelerated Christian Education
(ACE) programme also includes other controversial topics which are aimed at disproving evolution in favour of creationism.
The books instruct pupils that if it can be proved dinosaurs walked the earth at the same time as man, then Darwinism is fatally flawed.
The text books have been labeled 'bizarre' by critics and slammed as promoting 'radical' religious and political ideas.
One of the tomes, 'Biology 1099, Accelerated Christian Education Inc' states:
"Are dinosaurs alive today? Scientists are becoming more convinced of their existence. Have you heard of the 'Loch Ness Monster' in Scotland? 'Nessie' for short has been recorded on sonar from a small submarine, described by eyewitnesses, and photographed by others. Nessie appears to be a plesiosaur."
The Accelerated Christian Education (ACE) programme also tells pupils that a Japanese whaling boat once caught a dinosaur...
Hmm, potentially quite a dangerous education programme, don't you think?
- It's so unfair
Used by girls aged 13 - 18 to describe almost anything - from having to get up in the morning to being asked by a teacher to unroll their school skirt to mid-thigh. Usually muttered under the breath when the offending adult is out of earshot.</p>
- When's tea?
Usually a very important question asked <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2011/07/11/surviving-teenagers-or-why-boys-eat-so-much/" target="_blank">repeatedly</a> throughout the afternoon from around 2pm onwards.</p>
- I ran out of credit
What teenagers say when you haven't been able to get hold of them all evening, even though they promised to stay in touch. Loosely interchangeable with 'I couldn't get a signal.'</p>
- I'm doing it
Standard response to any practical request, like "Could you get everything off the <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2011/09/05/surviving-teenagers-or-what-the-neighbours-saw/" target="_blank">floor</a> in your room so I can hoover it?". Always completely inaccurate description of what's actually going on (because he or she is, in fact, texting/watching TV/catching up on Facebook).</p>
- Can I have £10?
Why? Who knows. You have become a hole in the wall: as the parent of a teenager, that's your job.</p>
- Can you pick me up?
All teenagers know that their parents secretly want second jobs as taxi drivers. They do their very best to help them practise.</p>
- Don't worry
<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 12pt; ">General response to any nervous parent asking for more information about an all-night party/bad exam result/lost house keys/late coursework. Guaranteed to make any panicky adult <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2011/10/31/surviving-teenagers-worrying-if-they-ll-ever-get-jobs/" target="_blank">worry</a> even more.</span></p>