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I have a personal message for my wife and children ahead of Father's Day: "Please don't buy me a gift. We can't afford it, I don't need anything – and, as you know, I am a very ungracious gift-receiver."
Will they take heed? I very much doubt it, because my family, like millions up and down the country, have been suckered in to the annual hype that is Father's Day.
I'm all for equality – as my stay-at-home-dad status no doubt testifies – but why do we dads have to match, present-for-present, event-for-event, everything that mums do?
I get the sentiment behind Mother's Day: by and large, they are the unsung heroines of family life, self-sacrificing and slogging their guts out for the greater good.
They deserve a treat – a gift even. And certainly a day off from the rigours of the day-to-day assault course that is childcare.
But do we dads deserve the same? In our house – and I know a stay-at-home-dad's residence is atypical – it's Father's Day every day. Every. Bloody. Sodding. Day!
But seriously, when will this relentless march of celebrating everything cease? What's next? Auntie's Day? Uncle's Day? Second-Cousin-Twice-Removed Day?
I don't want a gift that I don't need on some American-invented over-hyped commercial opportunity.
The 'celebration' came about in 1910 as a response to Mother's Day, but families saw through it, refusing to get involved.
It wasn't until the mid-1980s when, due to never-look-a-gift-buying-opportunity-in-the-mouth pressure from retailers, the Day of the Dad (my term, not theirs), became what the Fathers' Council described as: "a 'Second Christmas' for all the men's gift-oriented industries." Well said!
Get me something for my birthday, and for Christmas – yes please – but Father's Day? No.
I don't want a bottle of whisky (can't stand the stuff), a thrill 'experience' that will make me bring my breakfast up, nor a lie-in with breakfast in bed (I prefer to make it myself). Although, to be fair, I could do with a new pair of socks as the ones I have are of the religious variety (holy – geddit?).
Do other dads feel the same about Father's Day gifts?
According to a survey, two-thirds won't receive anything on Sunday. The survey, from shopping website VoucherCodes.co.uk, seems to suggest this should be a cause for concern.
The company's co-founder, Duncan Jennings, said: "While mums get made a fuss of, unfortunately dads typically lose out when it comes to presents, especially on Father's Day. If you haven't bought a gift yet, there's still time to go out and get one and make sure your Dad isn't one of the unlucky ones on Sunday."
Sorry, Duncan, but in my opinion, failing to contribute to yet another cynical consumer commercial exercise should be celebrated.
The survey says children will spend an average of £21.21 on gifts (what? Have they won the Lottery?) whilst an "unlucky" eight per cent of dads will receive a present worth less than a fiver.
Give me a fiver and I'll buy myself a pint. For that's all I actually want on Sunday: not any of the following on the survey's Top 10 Fathers' Day Wish List:
1. Game of Thrones – Complete Series 1 DVD Boxset
2. Bottle of whisky
3. iPad3
4. Red: My Autobiography by Gary Neville
5. Socks
6. Nespresso
7. Pixie Titanium Shirt
8. Rally driving experience
9. Cufflinks
10. Leather iPad case
Get a grip guys. If you want your kids to get you an iPad3 for FATHER'S DAY, then what do you expect for your birthday? A Ferrari, perhaps? Please leave gift-giving for the times of the year that are really special. And celebrate Father's Day every day.
What do you think? Is Keith right or should we celebrate Father's Day with presents?
Wise words on fatherhood
- <p> "When we were visiting New York City, I took my kids to the same playground where I went growing up. It was fun to feel that connection of having gone there as a kid and being there as a parent."</p> <p> <strong>Actor Ben Stiller</strong></p>
- <p> “I cannot understand how I managed to cope without getting cuddled this many times a day.”</p> <p> <strong>Actor Russell Crowe</strong></p> <p> </p>
- <p> “Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.”</p> <p> <strong>Actor Bill Cosby</strong></p>
- <p> “Father’s Day always worries me. I'm afraid I'll get something I can't afford.”</p> <p> <strong>Comedian Billy Connolly </strong></p>
- <p> “I’m preparing for the baby, I’m busy putting childproof caps on all the bottle of booze.”</p> <p> <strong>Talk show host David Letterman</strong></p>
- <p> “There's no pillow quite so soft as a father's strong shoulder.”</p> <p> <strong>Writer Richard L Evans</strong></p>
- <p> “A good father needs infinite patience, boundless enthusiasm, kindness, the ability to score a goal, take a wicket, and hit a winning serve, and the strength to say 'NO' every now and again.”</p> <p> <strong>TV star Piers Morgan</strong></p>
- <p> “A father is the guy who's quick to appear with the camera and just as quick to disappear when there's a nappy to be changed.”</p> <p> <strong>Comedienne Joan Rivers</strong></p> <p> </p>
- <p> “I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it”</p> <p> <strong>President Harry S Truman</strong></p>
- <p> <em>“</em><em>Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.”</em></p> <p> <strong>Comedian and actor Red Buttons</strong></p>
- <p> “There's a time for being a rock star, on TV, and in the studio, but you've got to put time aside for being daddy, and getting chocolate rubbed in your face"</p> <p> <strong>Musician Noel Gallagher</strong></p>
- <p> “Fatherhood is great but there is one problem. She doesn't sleep. At night she seems to turn into a vampire. She wakes up every night five or ten times, asking for things, singing, calling out.”</p> <p> <strong>Tennis star Goran Ivanisevic </strong></p>
- <p> “When the kids have their friends round, I have to pretend to be Fun Dad so they won't go back to their parents and say: ‘He was really shouty’.” </p> <p> <strong>Chat show host Jonathan Ross</strong></p>
- <p> “I cannot reckon of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.”</p> <p> <strong>Psychologist Sigmund Freud</strong></p>
- <p> “For a father a home birth is preferable. That way you’re not missing anything on television.”</p> <p> <strong>Comedian Jeremy Hardy</strong></p> <p> </p>
- <p> </p> <p> “Is there any sound more terrifying on a Sunday afternoon than a child asking: ‘Daddy Can We Play Monopoly.”</p> <p> <strong>Top Gear’s Jeremy Clarkson</strong></p>
- <p> “<em>One father</em> is more than a <em>hundred schoolmasters</em>.”</p> <p> <strong>Poet George Herbert</strong></p>
- <p> “I cannot reckon of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.”</p> <p> <strong>Psychologist Sigmund Freud</strong></p> <p> </p>
- <p> "I like to dress up as the lead character in whatever story I am reading. This is a little weird because my daughter loves the Disney princesses. But you'd be surprised at how good I look in a ball gown.”</p> <p> <strong>Actor Adam Sandler</strong></p>
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