Rex
Every morning and afternoon it's the same: instead of just dropping their kids off, or scooping them up from the classroom door, they always find some reason to engage the teacher in conversation.
What can they possibly have to say that can be so important?
Cristina, mum to grown-up Lara, agrees it's irritating. "It's a symptom of a selfish society," she says. "People forget there are 30 children in the class and the teacher needs to attend to all of them, not just the precious off-spring of one mum."
My point exactly: it's simply not fair on the rest of us.
At my school there is a parents' evening once a term, but that's clearly not enough for some mums, who race across the playground each morning, desperately trying to grab Miss Jones before anyone else does.
Poor Miss Jones is trying to drink a cup of tea, supervise playground antics and, no doubt, plan the day's activities in her head, so surely the last thing she wants is to be accosted by an over-anxious parent?
Moreover, with so much going on, and so many pairs of interested ears hovering around, the playground simply isn't the place for important discussions.
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If what you have to say is crucial to your child's development, then book an appointment. If it isn't, leave it, or ask another parent – they'll almost certainly have the answer.
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Teacher Kate says it's quite simple. "If there's a problem with little Johnny, I'll tell you. Otherwise, just drop your kids and go."
I'm happy with that: I trust the teachers to tell me if there's a problem, and I rely on my own parenting instincts to judge whether my children are settled. If you can't wait till parents' evening, send a note in, but don't hog the school gate for your own private conversations.
What exactly do these mums find to talk about each morning?
Well, mum-of-one Sophie says a lot of it is down to learning the ropes. "My daughter Sarah started school this September and I'm still getting the hang of the rules, so I've got a lot of questions," she says.
"I'm trying to limit my approaches to the teachers, but it puts my mind at rest if I just have a quick chat."
This term she's collared the teacher to ask about lost property, school books and packed lunches, among other things. I can understand why the first year at school can be unsettling for mums – as well as their children – and maybe teachers need to make sure they're giving parents enough information.
At my school the children carry 'link books' to and from home so that parents and teachers can communicate on a daily basis, without the need to take over the school gate.
Laura, mum to twins Harry and George, points out that not all the school gate monopolisers are over-protective mums.
"I spend a lot of time talking to the teachers," she admits. "But that's because one of my children has special needs. It might look to others as if I'm taking up their time, but with lots of professionals involved, there's often a lot to say on both sides."
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So should we assume that these school-gate hoggers aren't just helicopter parents, wasting the teachers' time with pointless questions about Olivia's special hair clips, and Max's lost jumper?
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My friend Beth, mum to three children under six, is adamant I should cut them some slack. A teacher for 10 years, Beth says it is important parents aren't too harsh on their peers.
"I definitely talk to some parents more than others," she says. "But that's because of particular needs or circumstances of the child at that time. I would say to parents: don't be too quick to judge. You never know when your own child might need some extra attention and you may be the one needing to talk every day."
More on Parentdish:
How to get the most out of parents' evenings
What teachers want to say to parents
Why I'll always be a teacher's pet
Celebs remember their school days
- Christina Aguilera, mum to Max<p> ‘My school days were miserable. The jealousy got so bad that our neighbours slashed our car tyre.’</p>
- Billie Piper, mum to Winston<p> ‘I had my head in the clouds, was mad, neurotic and self-destructive, a very different character to the one you see today. I was saved mostly by my parents, friends and boyfriends but it could have gone either way.’</p>
- Clair Nasir, mum to Sienna<p> ‘September was always the month when I had my second pair of new shoes of the year. This joy always turned to disappointment at my mother's choice - Clarks in the early 70s weren't known for being the height of fashion.’</p>
- Edith Bowman, mum to Rudy<p> ‘You get to an age and boredom sets in when there are not enough things to inspire or motivate you. I definitely found that in the last year or two of primary school.’</p>
- Guy Ritchie, dad to Rocco<p> ‘At first, they all focused on the fact I was lazy and disruptive. My association with school was totally negative.'</p>
- Holly Willoughby, mum to Harry and Belle<p> ‘At school I was always known as Flat-Chested Willoughby.’</p>
- Jamie Oliver, dad to Poppy, Daisy, Petal and Buddy<p> ‘I really decided to cook when I was about 15, for two reasons. The first reason was I really loved it and found it very natural. The second reason was my exam results from school were terrible, it was all Cs, Es and Fs. So I thought 'Oh no, what am I good at?' I decided to go to catering college in London.’</p>
- Jessica Alba, mum to Honor and Haven<p> ‘I'd eat my lunch in the nurses’ office so I didn't have to sit with the other girls. Apart from my being mixed race, my parents didn't have money so I never had the cute clothes or the cool back pack.’</p>
- Jude Law, dad to Rafferty, Iris, Rudy and Sophia<p> ‘I didn't do badly at school but I was more interested in drama and school plays than anything else. My mum and dad didn't have a problem with that and encouraged me. I think I was about six when I did my first school play. My parents also encouraged me to take my education seriously just in case things didn't work out in acting. I hated it at times but I got through it.'</p>
- Liv Tyler, mum to Mylo<p> ‘I quit when I was 14. I always hated school, uniforms, having to sit behind your desk all day. I don't need education like that.'</p>
- Myleene Klass, mum to Ava and Hero<p> ‘I loved the school uniform at St Mary's RC Primary. It was so exciting to wear a tie, and my dad showed me how to do a Windsor knot.’</p>
- Pink, mum to Willow Sage<p> ‘I fought a lot but I learnt a lot. If other kids do the same that is up to them, everyone has a right to their own experience. I'm just glad I was lucky enough to survive.'</p>
- Brad Pitt, dad to Maddox, Pax, Zahara, Shiloh, and twins Knox and Vivienne<p> ‘I had the usual sort of fights over girls. From memory, I won one - probably because I took a cheap shot like grabbing the guy's nuts, or something - and lost one. The only serious damage was to my ego.'</p>
- Natalie Portman, mum to Aleph<p> ‘My dad is still saying, ‘This being an actress thing is cute but don’t you think it’s time to go to grad school?’</p>
- Sara Cox, mum to Lola, Isaac and Renee<p> ‘I was a bit of a performer, trying to make people laugh. I once feigned paralysis just for the hell of it. I was five or six and just put my hand up in class and told my teacher I couldn't move my legs and had to be carried home to the doctor's. Then I skipped out of the doctor's surgery.’</p>
- Tom Cruise, dad to Suri<p> ‘I didn't have many friends. I was dyslexic and a lot of kids made fun of me. That experience made me tough inside because you learn to quietly accept abuse and ridicule.’</p>
- Victoria Beckham, mum to Brooklyn, Romeo, Cruz and Harper Seven<p> ‘It was miserable, my whole schooling, miserable. I tried to be friends with people, but I didn't fit in. So I kept myself to myself.’</p>
- Kate Winslet, mum to Mia and Joe<p> ‘I was bullied for being chubby. Where are they now?’</p>
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