Oh, how I long to have the sophisticated dress sense of Victoria Beckham
and the naturally gorgeous glow of Beyoncé
I'd even settle for the shiny, bouncy hairdo of the yummy mummy
who frequents my local soft play with her TWINS. How do they do it? It's obvious: they are bionic
, and one day I will prove it.
Anyway, back here on Planet Normality, there are myriad ways your sense of, er, 'style' might change when you become a mum. Come on, please – it CAN'T be just me!
Cleanliness is close to Godessness
Had a baby? Noticed people grimacing at the supermarket checkout? That is because you rarely leave the house without being decorated in some kind of bodily fluid. It's not laziness, you just haven't noticed: I mean, who can see properly after being up five times in the night? Goddesses we are not.
Comfort vs style
You loved those elasticated waistbands when you were pregnant, didn't you? That's fair enough. But the truth is, you STILL love them don't you? You can't bring yourself to do without them, can you? No new mother will judge you for this, but maybe wear a long top.
Putting on some make-up in the morning might now be less a case of 'will I be leaving the house today?' as much as it is 'will I be leaving the house today and, if I do, how likely am I to bump into someone I know from my former life?'
Oh, and if you haven't started using baby wipes to remove your make-up yet, well, you will.
Has your cute and classy handbag been usurped by a huge and cumbersome changing bag
? No?! Good for you!
A good match (er, no!)
I bet I can guess what's in that handbag of yours though: wipes, miniature Sudocrem, snotty tissues, an odd sock, a handful of loose raisins and the remains of various bready snacks their crumbs infiltrating your mobile phone case even as you read this.
The fact is, if you're the one at home (I'm sure this goes for Reluctant House Dads
, too!) yours is always the last washing to get done. And that's why the phrase 'red and green should never be seen' will have no place in your house.
If anyone suggests your outfit is clashing, tell them to be thankful you're not wearing your pyjamas.
Best foot forward
Not everyone actually crosses this line, but at some point, you might well have this thought: 'I could just pop to the corner shop in my slippers... couldn't I?! They're QUITE like shoes...'
Banish the bling
Babies like to wrench ear rings off lobes and eat them; toddlers like to put bracelets in the washing machine so it makes that exciting noise; young children like burying 'treasure'.
Hide all your jewellery immediately. You might not be sparkling, but if you wear the good stuff, you risk being physically assaulted and robbed... by your own offspring.
...will be even greyer tomorrow.
Actually, there's much debate over whether stress and lack of sleep increases the onset of grey or white hair, but I don't care what the science says – it definitely does.
What the heck, some celebs dye their hair grey deliberately. Remember Kelly Osbourne. Therefore, we are cool. Ish.
Accessorise to the max
Still on the hair theme, but only really applicable for those who have daughters, there will come a day when the dry shampoo just doesn't cut it. You'll look, but will not be able to find a scrunchie anywhere in the house and, because even YOU wouldn't go to the bank with a pair-of-pants-ponytail, you'll give in and step outside wearing Peppa Pig hair clips.
The day you realise you just don't care
Your babies might have turned to toddlers, or even fully-fledged children; your love for their company and and their laughter will have totally obliterated your love for looking sane, let alone glamorous.
And you will prove this by answering the door wearing fairy wings, deely boppers and a neon orange tutu.
More on Parentdish: The yummy moments of motherhood - not!
Have you had a style drop-off since having children? Or are you always immaculate?
What's been your worst style fail? Go on, share...
- Citizens of Humanity jeans
The first post-pregnancy tip Georgie suggests is to invest in a quality pair of jeans with a good amount of stretch. She rates the brand Citizens of Humanity and the amber mid-rise bootcut jeans at <strong><a href="http://www.net-a-porter.com/" target="_blank">Net-A-Porter</a></strong> are figure-flattering and suitable for any season. Try them with a loose tunic top and wedges.<br />
Sizes 24 to 32</p>
- Loose knits
In the colder months, Georgie advises new mums to look for a stylish and slouchy knit. 'You can wear something tighter, like a long vest or tee, underneath so you're cosy and comfortable,' she says. The loose knit top by Marios at <strong><a href="http://www.topshop.com" target="_blank">Topshop</a></strong> contains cashmere and looks great with jeans or over a maxi dress or skirt.<br />
- Jumper dresses
Georgie says that a jumper dress is the perfect choice post-pregnancy. 'Wear one with thick wool tights and boots,' she says. 'You can always accessorise with a belt and remember the belt can be adjusted to suit your weight. Just make sure your dress is loose and not tight fitting.' We love the horse Angora jumper by IP at <strong><a href="http://www.topshop.com" target="_blank">Topshop</a></strong>.<br />
Sizes S to L<br />
- Layered tunics
If you feel conscious of your post-pregnancy figure, a top with frills, pleats, layers or embellishments draws attention away from problem areas. Available in slimming black, <strong><a href="http://www.evans.co.uk" target="_blank">Evans</a>' </strong>layered tunic with rosette trim detail leads the eye to your décollage, rather than your mid-section.<br />
Sizes 16 to 26/28</p>
- Maxi styles
Maxi dresses and skirts are very fashionable at the moment and they're great if you want to keep your legs under wraps whilst projecting a feminine look. <strong><a href="http://www.topshop.com" target="_blank">Topshop</a></strong>'s solstice Maxi skirt in a stunning shade of red looks spot-on with a lace detail tee and a cropped cardi.<br />
Sizes 6 to 16</p>
- Harem trousers
The harem trouser is a must for new mums – they disguise the size of your bottom and are ridiculously comfortable. The side-tie, fine denim harem from <strong><a href="http://www.warehouse.co.uk" target="_blank">Warehouse</a></strong> are a great alternative to jeans. Wear with flat ankle boots and a boyfriend cardigan for a chic, casual look that doesn't give anything away figure-wise.<br />
Sizes 6 to 16</p>
Another trendy must-have for a post-pregnancy wardrobe is a cape. Go for a poncho style that hangs at the waist, rather than a smaller cape that sits on the shoulders. <a href="http://www.babeswithbabies.com" target="_blank"><strong>Babes with Babies </strong></a>Cape of Good Hope is made of lightweight French terry material and can be worn throughout pregnancy, as well as straight after.<br />
Sizes S/M to M/L</p>
- Statement jacket
A statement jacket is every new mum's best friend. Go for a loose fit to disguise your post-pregnancy tum, and make sure you opt for something warm as you adjust to feeler cooler again now the pregnancy is over. <strong><a href="http://www.simplybe.co.uk" target="_blank">Simply Be</a></strong> has a brilliant faux fur swing jacket that can be worn open (over a black maxi dress, for example) or fastened with jeans and faux fur boots.<br />
Sizes 14 to 26</p>
- Body boosting dress
In order to keep your body confidence up, Georgie recommends buying a piece that will look just as good when you reach your ideal weight as it does right now. This beautifully bo-ho, knee-length dress by <strong><a href="http://www.simplybe.co.uk" target="_blank">Simply Be</a></strong> is elasticated under the bust and sleeves, so it will suit your changing shape.<br />
- Comfy tunics
A tunic top provides the perfect diversion from your midriff while you work on getting your pre-pregnancy figure back. <strong><a href="http://www.newlook.com" target="_blank">New Look</a></strong> has a gorgeous vintage-style tunic top which can be dressed up with leggings and heels, or dressed down with jeans and a waterfall cardigan.<br />
Sizes 6 to18</p>