How to be a domestic fraud

How to be a domestic fraud Getty

When you've got kids, it's all about pretending you run a tight ship. So play at being Nigella and make it all seem effortless - with just a hint of goddess thrown in for good measure. Here's our cheat's guide...

1. Pretend you're organised

Mess is inevitable when you've got a family. But clutter is a different matter, and if you're trying to create the illusion of order, it will just get in the way.

Cassie Tillett, co-founder of The Association of Professional Declutterers and Organisers suggests that at this time of year you have a rake through your kitchen cupboards and clear out-of-date products: 'This will help make room for the store of items you're likely to use in the colder months.'

2. Create a good impression

If you're expecting guests, you can get away without cleaning the house from top to bottom with some clever cleaning cheats.

'De-clutter your hall by organising shoes and coats, and putting a damp cloth sprinkled with your favourite essential oil on the warm radiator so your guests are greeted with a beautiful scent,' says Lilli Klint, founder of Lilly's Eco Clean.

3. Make things bright and beautiful

It might look good in an interiors mag, but floor to ceiling taupe means two things in real life: mess and hard work. After all, there's a reason your mum chose that patterned carpet in 1978, and it wasn't style – it was because it didn't show up the dirt.

Not only that, bright patterns are mood-boosting and lead the eye away from other areas of disarray... Pick bold kitchen accessories like MoreVibrant's fab tablecloths, oven gloves, aprons and panhandles.

4. Make Sunday the best meal of the week

If weekday meals are chaotic, last-minute affairs, then fool yourself – and your guests – by focusing on Sunday lunch.

Red Tractor, the independent food standard website, has loads of handy quick fixes for weekend family meals. Perfect inspiration for those 'What on earth am I going to cook?' moments...

5. Be a smooth operator

If you've got a baby in the family, you might find the whole weaning stage a bit of a hassle. The options seem to be making your own purees and freezing them in ice cube trays, or buying expensive pouches.

Any self-respecting domestic fraud will know there is an alternative that will save you pounds, hours and a fair bit of sanity. What is it? A specially designed mincer like The Wean Machine, which enables you to give your baby what everyone else is having, and the only effort required is the squeeze of your hand! (But watch the salt content - leave out salt when cooking and only add later for adults and older children!)

6. Stay on your feet

Aching legs and swollen ankles are not a good look for a domestic goddess, so keep your pins svelte with a product designed specifically for that area.

Mama Mio's Lucky Legs Cooling Serum doesn't just instantly cool and ease weary limbs, it leaves a subtle shimmer on them too – perfect for emerging from the kitchen looking more Sophie Dahl than Antonio Carluccio.

7. Use your table

Domestic goddesses have calm, well-behaved children who sit waiting for their meal to be served. If that doesn't sound like you, pretend it is by making the table itself a distraction, especially during the festive season.

"A fun table sets the tone for a fun day but also takes the pressure off the cook. Pile it with games, sparklers and other distractions and nobody will remember you forgot the cranberry sauce or spoiled the gravy!" says Talking Tables founder Clare Harris.

8. Glam it up in minutes

Have you ever seen Nigella dish up with a pale, sweaty complexion and liner-free eyes? Didn't think so.

But instead of scrabbling for your long-lost mascara at the back of the bathroom cabinet, invest in a do-it-all kit like Frontcover's Packing Case, which has everything for face, eyes and lips, together with tweezers, brushes and a mirror. Perfect for travel, too.

9. Sort your bag

No self-respecting domestic goddess heads out of the house trailing overflowing old carrier bags.

Create the illusion of organisation with a bag like Mamami's fabulous Amara - a two-tone black bag that looks so glamorous, nobody will ever know that inside is everything but the kitchen sink. An easy-to-clean interior and huge, quick-find pockets means you can find what you need – usually a wipe – in seconds.

10. Make time for a soak

Goddesses get hours soaking in therapeutic oils after a hard day being wonderful.

You can cheat by barricading yourself in the bathroom and getting 20 minutes to soak in the tub. Pick something to quickly restore your overworked muscles – and balance your mind, too. Nelsons Arnicare Arnica Bath & Massage Balm relaxes away aches, hydrates skin – and smells divine too!

Did we miss any of your domestic tricks? Go on, share your quick cheats below...

Savvy sanity savers

Dummies are nothing to be ashamed of
 They will not go on their first date with a dummy in their mouth. So relax, and if your auntie looks at you as if you have joined the circus, point out to her that the <a href="http://www.dh.gov.uk/en/index.htm" target="_blank">Department of Health </a>now tells us that ‘it is possible that using a dummy at the start of any sleep period reduces the risk of cot death’. So there.
Change the 3-second rule to the 3-minute rule
 Let’s face it, if they eat the soil out of the garden and tuck into random things they find on the pavement, they can cope with whatever’s on your kitchen floor. And your floor is a lot cleaner than the pavement, isn’t it? ISN’T IT?
If it stops a tantrum, the lady at the checkout won't mind
 If you don’t want to leave the supermarket with a pounding headache and a bagful of random items that won’t make a meal, sometimes you will need to open those Malted Milks before you get to the till. The general public will thank you for it.
The baby wipe is your best friend
 Any self-respecting short-cutter will know that baby wipes are not merely for bottoms. They are for snot, dirty hands, eye makeup, carpet spills... oh and they make an excellent and cheap alternative to dry-cleaning.
Charity shops are as good as toy shops, if not better
 Once you discover the joy of taking your kids to charity shops you will never look back. Toys, clothes, DVDs... They have a different range every visit,  they are cheap as chips, they are ethically sound. What’s not to like?
Switching on CBeebies will not land you in jail
 Nobody is suggesting you use Andy, Sid and the gang as your au-pairs... although wouldn’t that be nice? But if you have a can of alphabet spaghetti (or a bottle of wine) to open it might just shut them up for five minutes.
There is plenty of time for expensive haircuts
 The day will come when they will want a ‘style’, just like we do. But until then, pack them off to the barber’s with your other half, or buy a pair of hairdressing scissors from the chemist.
If they don't like it, add ketchup
 Not on absolutely everything - let’s draw the line at cereal. But if they are moaning about their dinner, and it will help it end up in their tummy rather than the bin, squirt on a bit of tomato sauce. Go on, you know you want to...
A little bribery goes a long way
 ‘If you do this (good thing), you will get this (nice toy)’. ‘If you do this (bad thing) you will not get this (nice toy)’. Try looking after a two-year-old, then come back and tell us this didn’t help.
Life's too short for sewing on nametags
 There is no place for chain-stitched initials on your children’s clothing. And in fact if you can’t even be bothered with a nametag, why not just get a heavy-duty pen and write their name on the washing instructions? Job done.
It is not 1972: you do not have to change nappies every half hour
 When nappies consisted of an old towel, some pins and a pair of rubber pants it was prudent for the poor child’s comfort to change them as often as possible. These days nappies cost about a fiver each and are designed to stay on for longer than 30 minutes. Fact.
Food in tins, jars and packets will not kill them
 Of course fresh, home cooked food is better. We all know that. But we are not machines. And if we get in late after being stuck in a traffic jam and have nothing else in the house, alphabet spaghetti will do just fine.
Doggy bags are not just for Americans
 You’ve just spent a month’s salary on two kids’ menus in your favourite restaurant. One child is busy talking to a fellow Buzz Lightyear fan on another table, and the other has fallen asleep. You’ve paid for the food – now take it home.
Dry shampoo will buy you an extra hour a week
 Mums don’t wash their hair every day. Well, none of the ones I know do. Thankfully, dry shampoo has made a comeback and it’s not the powder your granny used to use. Thank you, Batiste.
Babies do not care what colour their clothes are
 If your little girl has just vomited and pooed herself through every pink item in the house, she will not develop ‘gender issues’ if you put her in that Bob the Builder babygro. It is clean, it is dry, it is therefore OK.