When it comes to New Year resolutions, it's all too easy to fall at the first hurdle. So to help you choose wisely, here are our top 10 pledges you'll never keep...
More on Parentdish: 10 things you swore you wouldn't do before you had kids
When it comes to New Year resolutions, it's all too easy to fall at the first hurdle. So to help you choose wisely, here are our top 10 pledges you'll never keep...10 New Year resolutions every parent will break
- I will give each of my kids 15 minutes of my undivided attention every day<p> This is to make them feel loved and secure and special. They can choose what we do. Anything at all. Unless it’s painting, role play, dressing up or hide and seek. In fact, why don’t we just have a nice cuddle in front of the telly, all of us on the sofa, for a couple of hours, a film perhaps, that way we can do everyone at the same time. I might have to nip into the kitchen to make tea or ring my sister but I’ll be there with you in spirit.</p>
- I will not judge other parents<p> When one of the kids tells you 'but we’re always allowed to slide backwards down the stairs while blindfolded in sleeping bags at so-and-so’s house', I will not hiss back 'well, that doesn’t surprise me because his/her parents are irresponsible cretins'. I will simply say that we all have different rules and we have reasons for them and everyone has to respect one another’s points of view. Caveat to this rule, you are allowed to think it, just not say it.</p>
- I will monitor screen time<p> Ten minutes per day per child on the WiiPadPSthingy. This is for your own good otherwise you risk becoming a problem child with a thousand yard stare, who never amounts to anything apart from sniffing glue. Apps can only be downloaded if they’re free and no, you can’t have Killer Psycho Zombie Robber Gangnam Shooting Mall II. Precludes illness, car journeys and wine o’clock.</p>
- I will prepare the school things the night before<p> No more rushing around at 20 to 9am, searching for shoes and gloves, shoving toast up the sleeves of their shirts in the hope it ends up in their mouths while getting them dressed, brushing their teeth with the hairbrush and their hair with their toothbrush, while swearing under my breath because I’ve just been reminded it’s Take An Exotic Fruit To School Day. Definitely not. I will lay out all their things by the door just before I go to bed. If I a) remember and b) can be bothered to get up at 3am if I wake up in a panic because I’ve forgotten to do it.</p>
- I will cook nutritious and healthy meals every day<p> Every week, I will plan what we’re going to eat every night, write a list and stick to it and then lovingly peel, chop, grate, stir and boil fresh wholesome ingredients to provide a balanced tea including all the food groups according to their dietary needs. Apart from when I’ve had a really busy day, the kids are playing up, I’m knackered and my other half has failed to buy some mince on the way back from work. In that case, I will do fishfingers and chips and beans and to hell with it. In a hangover situation, McDonald’s it is.</p>
- I will only drink at weekends<p> No slurred Monday to Friday bedtimes and no weekday morning tender heads. Strictly Friday and Saturday nights in line with the Government’s recommended alcohol guidelines. NB. Always starts next Monday.</p>
- I will not cave in to pester power<p> Warnings will be handed out prior to any excursion along the lines of 'we’re not buying anything, capeesh?'. The supermarket is for food only - not comics and sweets and toys. The rule also applies at home when no one will be able to have a biscuit five minutes before teatime. Any begging will result in an automatic TV ban. Please note, this is subject to change depending on how exhausted we are and if it means we can make a phonecall or read a book or have a quiet bath.</p>
- I will not undermine my other half's parenting<p> We will present a united front on all occasions. If one of us says 'no', the other will back us up with a serious face and repetition of 'if that’s what Mummy/Daddy says, then that’s what’s going to happen'. There will be no eye-rolling, hysterical laughter or siding with the kids of 'oh come on, that’s so unfair'. Apart from if it’s Daddy making ridiculous threats which can never be enforced, such as 'if you carry on, your birthday will be cancelled', in which case, shove him out the way and inform the children Mummy is boss.</p>
- I will not shout<p> I will not shout.<br /> I will not shout.<br /> I will not shout.<br /> I WILL NOT SHOUT.</p>
- I will teach my children to be model citizens of the world<p> I take the parental duty of raising responsible human beings very seriously. Therefore, I pledge my children will be taught to pick up litter, say please and thank you, think of others, treat people as they want to be treated, save the environment, pray for world peace and not ask the elderly 'how do you like them apples?' when they break wind in public.</p>
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