When five-year-old Alfie was threatened with a noise pollution fine for playing too loudly in his garden, we thought we'd heard everything. But story after story has well and truly trumped it lately. From extreme health and safety rules to political correctness officially gone mad, here are the silly stories that really left us scratching our heads...
More on Parentdish: Why do Health and Safety jobsworths make parenting so tricky?
Extreme health and safety
- Five-year-old threatened with noise fine<p> Poor Alfie Lansdell was <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2011/08/30/four-year-old-threatened-with-5-000-noise-fine-for-playing-too/" target="_blank">threatened with a whopping £5,000 fine</a> because he apparently made too much noise playing in his garden. The little lad was told to keep stum by his local council in Hull after a neighbour complained he was making too much of a racket playing outside in the family's garden.</p>

- Picnics banned on Blackpool Pleasure Beach<p> Visitors to Blackpool's Pleasure Beach attraction - which costs around £80 for a family ticket - were told they <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2011/05/06/family-trip-to-blackpool-dont-take-a-picnic/" target="_blank">couldn’t bring their own packed lunches</a> and could only eat food they had purchased on site last Summer. Staff at the entrance to the Pleasure Beach reportedly seized sarnies at the gate, only returning them when visitors left! A spokesperson said at the time: “Due to the intensity of rides and attractions within the 42 acre site, there is limited space, and so a dedicated picnic area has been created adjacent to the entrance of Pleasure Beach.”</p>

- No more conkers, kids!<p> New research shows traditional playground games, like conkers and British Bulldog have <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2011/04/19/schools-ban-traditional-playground-games-over-safety-fears/" target="_blank">nearly disappeared from school break times</a> amid concerns about health and safety. More and more schools are banning the games over fears off broken bones (yes really, from conkers!) and even nut allergies (we tried very hard not to laugh at that one). Have they been banned at your children’s school?</p>

- Butlins ban bumper cars from bumping!<p> In possibly the most bonkers health and safety story to date, <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2011/04/27/butlins-bans-bumpers-cars-from-bumping/" target="_blank">Butlins banned bumper cars from bumping into each other</a> at their onsite fairgrounds last year. The director at the Bognor Regis Butlins resort, Jeremy Pardey said: "The point of our dodgems is to dodge people, not to run into people.”</p>

- Footballs banned in Gloucestershire school<p> A school in Gloucestershire needed to find its balls back in September 2011 when it banned <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2011/09/23/parents-outrage-as-school-bans-proper-footballs/" target="_blank">proper footballs for soft sponge balls</a> because it feared children would injure themselves. Outraged mums and dads have branded the move crazy, but teachers insist they have implemented the ban after a “number of incidents” with leather-style balls.</p>

- Seven-year-olds told off for gun mime game<p> Two little boys got into trouble for <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2011/05/31/seven-year-olds-reprimanded-for-gun-mime-game/" target="_blank">miming a gun fight at school in May 2011. </a>The seven-year-olds were told by teachers not to make gun shapes with their hands because it was threatening, and their parents were then instructed to reprimand the boys over their behaviour. The father of one of the boys said: 'This is ridiculous. How can you tell a seven-year-old boy he can't play guns and armies with his friends?” Do you agree with the teachers or the parents on this one?</p>

- Playground equipment removed from park<p> Poor children in Allergate, Co. Durham are twiddling their thumbs after health and safety spoilsports <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2011/12/08/health-and-safety-spoilsports-strip-kids-playground-of-all-equi/" target="_blank">removed all the playground equipment from a park</a> as they claimed it was dangerous, despite being in use, without problems, for 10 years. Swings, a roundabout, see-saw and slide were all removed because they apparently fall foul of complicated European regulations.</p>

- Plastic crates banned by Primary School<p> Dairy Crest gave Wychwood primary school 25 milk crates in 1996 for children to use in the playground. But 15 years later they were removed by the dairy, <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2011/08/24/plastic-crates-used-primary-school-toys-for-15-years-banned-health-safety/" target="_blank">claiming it was worried about children injuring themselves! </a>Teacher Anne Bardsley reckoned the crate decision was crackers, and says the children have been very upset by the move…</p>

- Boy banned by police from playing football outside his house<p> Poor Bertie Longworth, eight, was given a stern talking to by police after <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2012/04/04/boy-banned-by-police-from-playing-football-outside-his-house/" target="_blank">neighbours complained he was kicking his football too loudly!</a> He was told off for making too much noise with his ball and banned from playing with it on the pavement outside his house!</p>

- Parents need planning permission to build Wendy house<p> A couple in Wiltshire were left scratching their heads when they were <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2011/08/09/couple-told-to-apply-for-planning-permission-for-six-year-olds/" target="_blank">told they needed to secure planning permission</a> before they could build a Wendy house for their daughter. Sally and Brook Johnson told reporters they were “flabbergasted” when they received a letter to apply for retrospective planning permission for the play house in the grounds of their £1million country house.</p>

- Seven-year-old cannot fly pirate flag<p> Poor Anthony Steele loved playing pirates in his garden…until his <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2012/03/01/seven-year-old-boy-told-he-cannot-fly-pirate-flag-in-garden-anthony-steele/" target="_blank">local council said he couldn’t fly his Jolly Roger flag</a> as it breached advertising regulations and could be seen as promoting piracy. Anthony’s mum, Sara was outraged when she was told the family had to remove to flag because someone had complained, and poor pirate Anthony was devastated. We’re very surprised he didn’t make East Lindsey District Council walk the plank…</p>

When five-year-old Alfie was
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