Rex
The other evening, my seven year-old son was playing on his Wii when something didn't work out as he'd hoped.
"Fer f**'s sake," I heard him mutter under his breath.
"WHAT. DID. YOU SAY?" I growled, in the manner of Daddy Bear finding his porridge bowl empty.
"COME. HERE. NOW."
My son skulked over, tail between his legs. He knew it was wrong.
"WHAT. DID. YOU SAY?'" I said again.
"I'm sorry, Dad," he whimpered.
"Then why did you say it if you knew it was wrong?"
"But..but..but..."
"No buts. Just answer me. Why did you say that bad word?"
"But...but..but you say it all the time."
"Do I?" I asked him.
Well do I? I asked myself. DO I?
Well, evidently I do. According to my wife, I mutter it under my breath all the time. When I've caught the tip of a finger with a potato peeler. When I have to chip dried up Cheerios off the kitchen tiles. When I see my kids watching some American cheerleader-type dross on kids' TV.
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I am forever in "FFS" mode. To such an extent that I don't even know I'm doing it.
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However, I managed to modify the latter after I heard my four year-old repeating it after a particularly frustrating episode involving trying to zip his coat up and getting it caught in his jumper.
"Jee-zuss Ker-ist," he repeated. And this from a boy who can barely talk!
"No, son. Daddy didn't say that. He said: 'Cheese and crackers'."
Which is the term I've used as a substitute for the blasphemous phrase ever since.
But the FFS phrase is a whole different game of balls (if I'm allowed to use that term!)
Now I'm pretty good at swearing. Not quite in the league of Malcolm Tucker in The Thick of It, but I can hold my own in the bawdiest of company. I was brought up around it.
However, the language has cranked up a notch - or gone down a league, depending on how you look at it - since I was a lad.
The air was only a pale shade of blue in my childhood home. It was all 'Bleeding' this and 'Bloody' that. There were no hard 'F' or 'C' consonants, although a softer 'Sh' sound may have come across my eardrums once in a while.
But since I became a parent, I vowed never to swear around the children, or at least not before they could understand what the f*** it meant. Now, though, I realise it's part of my vocabulary's DNA.
Some might call it lazy. I prefer absent-minded. But it has to stop. Right here. Right now. Bit of a p***er, really!
Anyway, I've been on the internet and had a look for some advice on how to deal with young children who swear, and found this very informative advice from child psychologist Kenneth N. Condrell.
He says there are several reasons why youngsters swear, as follows:
• Swearing makes them feel grown up.
• Swearing releases tension.
• Swearing gets them lots of attention from grown-ups.
• Swearing captures the attention of their peers.
• Swearing is a way of getting back at someone.
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Swearing shocks people and for a child, that's fun.
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Then he goes on to give Five Things You Can Do When Your Child Begins to Swear:
1. Keep your cool! Remember, as a parent, you are your child's first teacher and coach. It is your job to help your child learn from mistakes, and a yelling, screaming parent is not a very effective teacher.
2. Explain to your child that you know other kids and grown-ups use bad words, but that your family does not believe in swearing. You can simply say, "Our family does not believe in using bad words." Statements like this can build family pride.
3. Explain that bad words can hurt people's feelings. Point out that just as a punch or a slap can hurt, words can hurt people too, and that is why you do not use bad words in your family. Often, children are not aware that swearing hurts others' feelings.
4. Continue to explain that when kids swear, it makes people think they are not a nice person - swearing can give kids a poor reputation.
5. There is the possibility that your words will go in one ear and out the other. If this is the case, you need to let your child know there will be a punishment if he continues to swear - for example, each time he swears from now on, he will lose 15 minutes off his bedtime. To really inspire your child to try, you can also add that if he has done a really good job by the end of the week, there will be a weekend privilege-maybe he can stay up later or see a video or make popcorn or have a friend over to play. Whatever you decide is up to you; just make sure it is something reasonable (not a new bike!) and something that inspires your child to try.
Which all sounds like brilliant, sound, practical advice, so I'd better get to it.
Like I haven't got enough to beeping do!
What do you think about children swearing?
- Showing favouritism<p> Are you sure? So you’ve taken just as many pictures of your second child as your first then? A study by scientists at the University of California suggested 65 per cent of the mothers and 70 per cent of fathers had a preference for one child - however subconsciously.</p>
- Doing their homework<p> One study shows that nearly half of parents have done their children’s <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2011/05/24/mum-petitions-for-abolition-of-homework/" target="_blank">homework</a> at least once. It seems many either can’t resist the temptation to help their children do well in their studies or would rather do it than spend their lives whingeing at them to stop watching telly.</p>
- Avoiding play time<p> It’s the ‘not now, maybe later’ syndrome. Your child wants you to read them a story or go the swings but you are ‘just too busy’. Or is it really that you can’t be bothered because you’re texting, checking emails or even watching telly yourself! Figures show that, on average, parents spend just 36 minutes a day <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2010/11/05/do-i-play-with-my-child-enough/" target="_blank">playing</a> with their offspring.</p>
- Using them as an excuse<p> Blaming the kids is always the <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/baby/why-having-a-baby-makes-the-perfect-excuse/?icid=parentdish|DL_2" target="_blank">perfect excuse</a>, whether it’s not having to go to a social occasion, the house being a mess, being late for work, forgetting someone’s birthday, the list goes on...</p>
- Bribing them with food<p> Whether it’s giving them chocolates or sweets as a bargaining tool for chores or simply to ward off a tantrum we often find ourselves bribing our kids. We’re probably well aware that research shows this could lead to obesity - but heh, anything for a quiet life?</p>
- Giving them a smack<p> For many it’s one of the biggest taboos. But there are plenty of parents out there who have given their kids a clip - even if it is on very rare occasions. A recent poll for ITV’s This Morning found that three out of four parents had, at some time, <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2011/10/19/should-i-be-banned-from-smacking-my-child/" target="_blank">smacked</a> their little ones.</p>
- Stealing their stuff<p> Surely not? Well have you ever eaten their chocolate gift from a relative - because you were ‘saving their teeth’. Sadly that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Findings from Clydesdale and Yorkshire Banks showed that more than half of parents with children aged five to 12 have raided their kids’ piggy banks!</p>
- Fibbing to get them into a school<p> Ever found yourself in church pretending to believe, just because it will help get your little on in a <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/back-to-school/how-much-would-you-pay-to-get-your-children-into-a-good-school/" target="_blank">school with a good reputation</a>? Around 50 per cent of parents are willing to fib about their address, religious beliefs or ethnic background to get their kids a better education.</p>
- Writing them a dodgy sick note<p> Did you feign <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2011/09/09/sending-your-child-to-school-when-ill-do-you-do-it/" target="_blank">illness</a> as a child to get out of games? Now, as a parent, you find yourself writing a sick note for the teachers, even though you know there’s not much wrong with your kid’s health. A quarter of parents admit to this one, while almost 50 per cent have taken their children out of school in term time to save cash on holiday costs, according to <a href="http://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/" target="_blank">TripAdvisor.</a></p>
- Doing anything to get them to sleep<p> When it comes to getting some kip every sleep deprived parent has a guilty secret - whether it’s letting them stay up too late so that they just flake out, letting baby fall asleep on you, rather than putting it down in its cot or simply allowing them to sleep in your bed.</p>
- Swearing in front of them<p> You tell them off for using bad language, then find yourself uttering a <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2011/04/19/there-are-worse-things-than-swearing-in-front-of-your-children/" target="_blank">foul mouthed rant</a> in front of them. When they later use the same words in public you say “they must have picked it up at nursery/school.” Some nine out of 10 parents have sworn in front of their children according to a report from <a href="http://www.youngpoll.com/" target="_blank">Youngpoll.com.</a></p>
- Giving them a treat breakfast<p> There are few parents who haven’t, at least once in their child’s lifetime, bought them a sticky pastry or bag of crisps instead of making them a healthy breakfast. In fact, figures reveal that half a million kids eat biscuits for their morning meal while more than 100,000 only have a fizzy drink!</p>
- Driving badly<p> You’re always telling them that their behaviour is dangerous and then you pack them into the car and drive like a nutter. One in four parents admit to having broken the speed limit to get their children to school.</p>
- Overloading the buggy<p> You’ve read the safety warnings not to do it, but which parent hasn't loaded up their child's buggy with shopping bags while scooting through town, blithely ignoring the chance of the whole thing toppling over? When they get a bit older you allow them to stand up in the shopping trolley at the supermarket too, another health and safety no, no.</p>
- Not having a sit down family meal<p> Did you know that children are 24 per cent more likely to eat vegetables if they sit down to a <a href="http://www.parentdish.co.uk/food/small-cheats-for-big-family-meals/" target="_blank">family meal?</a> But how often have you let kids eat their dinner in front of the telly? Only 30 per cent of families eat together at least once a week.</p>
