Tell me a good birth story!

Before I had a baby, what did I know about birth? Frantic notes taken in ante natal classes and a terrifying evening watching One Born Every Minute.

But then I met a new mum who'd had a 'good birth' – and suddenly I thought, okay, maybe I can do this.

Now a new website aims to bring together anxious mums-to-be and women who want to share their positive experience.

Active birth teacher and doula Natalie Meddings is behind www.tellmeagoodbirthstory.com, which she describes as something of a dating agency – nervous pregnant 30-something seeks mother-of-one for coffee (decaffeinated) and chat.

"This is not promising people on a wing and a prayer," she said. "It's about believing in your body.

Natalie, who is based in South London, said: "That belief comes a bit from books and NCT classes but in the old days it came from other women – your sister, your mother, your neighbour."



Tales we do hear aren't always encouraging. There are plenty of horror stories in the news with tales of emergency Caesareans after agonising two-day labours making the headlines. But in fact only around 20% of births in this country are classed as complicated, said Natalie, so somewhere out there eight out of 10 babies quietly arrive with relatively little fuss.

I headed to ante natal yoga classes to calm my nerves before our baby was born last year, and vividly remember meeting a new graduate – a tiny little two-week-old girl and proud mum who reassured us all that it doesn't always end in forceps.

The hospital preparation classes were thorough but heavily practical – all about different drug options and explanations on what happens if you end up in theatre.

But chatting to a brand new mum made me wonder if there was a less dramatic way to get this baby out. My scientist partner – normally sceptical about anything that could remotely be classed as 'hippy'– made a fair point. If birth is a complicated, medically demanding affair requiring surgery, drugs and a team of flying doctors, how come the entire human race didn't die out centuries ago?

Recent research has shown that nervous women are more likely to have longer labours, and also less likely to tell midwives of problems along the way, possibly delaying the help they need.

Friends of mine weren't always impressed with such research though. And why? Because it's often presented by men – and you reach a point in your pregnancy when you feel like your head will explode with so much information – and you definitely start to wonder what a man can honestly know about childbirth.

Sitting down over a cuppa for a bit of a chinwag with a real mum can fill you with confidence and be more inspiring than a man on the telly pondering what all the fuss is about.

And having a one-on-one conversation is a lot more personal than just reading anecdotes in a magazine or online chat forum.

Telling a good birth story is not about boasting of how you got through 26 hours of gruelling labour with half a paracetemol, or over sharing every gruesome, gory little detail. It is genuine reassurance that, yes, this is what my body does.

That feeling of confidence in your own body is something Natalie hopes to foster with tellmeagoodbirthstory.com. "My fight is to stop women feeling powerless," she explained.

And a good birth does not have to be at home or in a pool with zero drugs and soothing music. It just means you feel in control of what is happening.

Having a baby should not be a passive experience – we as women should be able to make our own choices.